Nobody said, ‘its ok man, stand up for your love…’
To think … I had gone to them to seek their support to marry you…
They were all talking about the girl I love. They were not even listening to me. They were all advising me against it. As if marrying her, isn’t worth the effort. As if her character is a big question mark. As if I am falling into a deep shit hole… from which coming out was just of no use, once in ... They wanted to save me from all the trouble.
'Moreover, she isn't half as hurt as you are', they said, supporting their views. 'In fact, she has already moved on... to her it wasn't more than a joke... so why even bother?'.
And for the first time, I hated you.
"She isn't half as hurt as you are"
"She isn't half as hurt as you are"
"She isn't half as hurt as you are"!!!
Yes, the truth is, 'I hate you'.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Blessed ones...
Blessed are those of us whose lives are touched by people who care. Only by people who care.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
What she says. What I say.
When she says, ‘I’m feeling all low’, I say, ‘cheer up dear’.
But when I say so too, it’s always, ‘why the hell are you irritating me?’
When she says, ‘I’m possessive’, it should mean she loves me a lot!
Ok, but why should it only mean ‘I’m insecure’, when I say that.
If it’s about me ‘even’ looking at a girl, she threatens to break my neck.
But if it’s her talking about a guy like I’d love her talk about me, she’ll shout at me and say, ‘I’m like this. Leave me, if you can’t stand it’.
If she calls and I don’t pick up, she’ll blame me for ignoring her.
And if I call and get a ‘no answer’, I must accept that she was too busy to have a little time for me.
Crazy as it may sound, but couldn’t this have happened before, and not now, and not like this, when I’m all lost and stuck?
But when I say so too, it’s always, ‘why the hell are you irritating me?’
When she says, ‘I’m possessive’, it should mean she loves me a lot!
Ok, but why should it only mean ‘I’m insecure’, when I say that.
If it’s about me ‘even’ looking at a girl, she threatens to break my neck.
But if it’s her talking about a guy like I’d love her talk about me, she’ll shout at me and say, ‘I’m like this. Leave me, if you can’t stand it’.
If she calls and I don’t pick up, she’ll blame me for ignoring her.
And if I call and get a ‘no answer’, I must accept that she was too busy to have a little time for me.
Crazy as it may sound, but couldn’t this have happened before, and not now, and not like this, when I’m all lost and stuck?
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Life's a bitch.
My girlfriend is the daughter of a chauvinist who thinks girls are only decorative.
Her mother thinks she is a doll and keeps her on the mantelshelf displaying her before every idiot that says I want my son to marry your daughter.
My dad scans every crappy matrimonial ads – newspaper & others - thinking he knows what’s best for me, even when I am 28 – chronologically, biological, mentally and otherwise.
My mom thinks I am the ‘only’ handsomest guy in the whole world and all girls out there are trying to trap me.
My brother simply tells me go for the girl you love - if you love her seriously enough - no matter what the rest of the world thinks or says.
Her brother is a kid who can’t think beyond his sister’s happiness.
I am a fool who thinks she is my only choice when I am with her and my dad is my only family when I am with him and the irony is - she has just the same opinion.
And ours is a now-its-out-of-steam-and-now-it-picks-up relation.
Is there some hope for sale??
Her mother thinks she is a doll and keeps her on the mantelshelf displaying her before every idiot that says I want my son to marry your daughter.
My dad scans every crappy matrimonial ads – newspaper & others - thinking he knows what’s best for me, even when I am 28 – chronologically, biological, mentally and otherwise.
My mom thinks I am the ‘only’ handsomest guy in the whole world and all girls out there are trying to trap me.
My brother simply tells me go for the girl you love - if you love her seriously enough - no matter what the rest of the world thinks or says.
Her brother is a kid who can’t think beyond his sister’s happiness.
I am a fool who thinks she is my only choice when I am with her and my dad is my only family when I am with him and the irony is - she has just the same opinion.
And ours is a now-its-out-of-steam-and-now-it-picks-up relation.
Is there some hope for sale??
This is what she is. Exactly speaking.
Put on some weight for God’s sake. Or else, how would I show you around and say, ‘See, meet my husband’ - ‘Show me around? What am I? A pet dog?’
‘Better marry me before it’s late. Or else, I would go ahead and have my twins with someone else.’ – ‘Twins?!! My God!! My dear you’ll die having them’.
‘Build up some muscles. I want you to carry me around.’ – ‘Oh shit! Now that’s a crisis situation!’
‘Why do you always write about sex? Are there no other ‘things’ you can ‘think’ about?’ – ‘What else in life is good enough to write about?’
‘Will you still love my when I am old and fat and ugly?’ – 'Well, yes. If I am so too.’
‘Why do you love me?’ – ‘Well… I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it.’
‘Better marry me before it’s late. Or else, I would go ahead and have my twins with someone else.’ – ‘Twins?!! My God!! My dear you’ll die having them’.
‘Build up some muscles. I want you to carry me around.’ – ‘Oh shit! Now that’s a crisis situation!’
‘Why do you always write about sex? Are there no other ‘things’ you can ‘think’ about?’ – ‘What else in life is good enough to write about?’
‘Will you still love my when I am old and fat and ugly?’ – 'Well, yes. If I am so too.’
‘Why do you love me?’ – ‘Well… I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it.’
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
FUCK!!!
Read this one somewhere:
"In the ancient England people could not have sex without the consent from the king. When people wanted to have a child they had to solicit permission to the monarchy. In turn they would be supplied with a plaque to hang on their door when they had sexual relations. It read, ‘Fornication Under Consent of the King’, - FUCK.
This is the origin of the word."
"In the ancient England people could not have sex without the consent from the king. When people wanted to have a child they had to solicit permission to the monarchy. In turn they would be supplied with a plaque to hang on their door when they had sexual relations. It read, ‘Fornication Under Consent of the King’, - FUCK.
This is the origin of the word."
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Falling in love...
He:
All my friends ask me, ‘why are you smiling?’. And I smile some more.
She:
And the smile just comes to me when I think of the most stupid things I do in his company. But then he is even more stupid than I am.
He:
She is such a … little child. She talks like one too. And to her, I am the guinea pig of her experiments with love.
She:
I don’t really know what he is to me… But I think I like him a little more than the rest of them.
He:
To me she is the most beautiful dream I would like to wake up next to every morning for the rest of my life.
All my friends ask me, ‘why are you smiling?’. And I smile some more.
She:
And the smile just comes to me when I think of the most stupid things I do in his company. But then he is even more stupid than I am.
He:
She is such a … little child. She talks like one too. And to her, I am the guinea pig of her experiments with love.
She:
I don’t really know what he is to me… But I think I like him a little more than the rest of them.
He:
To me she is the most beautiful dream I would like to wake up next to every morning for the rest of my life.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
A being I wanted to call mine..
Something she said hurt me somewhere.
I could not make out what it was. But it hurt for sure.
And for a moment, I hated her so much.
Then I sensed the nervousness in her voice. And I felt sorry for her.
Do I love her? I really don't know. But then why was I hurt when she was hurt?
I could not make out what it was. But it hurt for sure.
And for a moment, I hated her so much.
Then I sensed the nervousness in her voice. And I felt sorry for her.
Do I love her? I really don't know. But then why was I hurt when she was hurt?
Monday, November 05, 2007
Selective Memories - Tagged!
I am 28. Going on 30 & 03 at the same time (I have a dual personality. I never behave my age. And I can do nothing about it)!! I think, therefore, its the perfect time for a stroll into the past - maybe anyone my age and 'irresponsible' state of mind should try this one out (more 'coz a sweet little girl has been pressurizing me on this). So here it is (selectively though)...
The first ever (initial) thought(s) in your life (from the time you were born) that you remember…
I think… I remember putting my finger in my mouth. Because I remember feeling my throat. And the tongue. And the teeth. And I remember the taste of my fingers.
And I remember putting my fingers in my brother’s mouth and he vomited. We were traveling in a bus to somewhere. He was a little baby. Almost new born… I guess so. My mother thought he was sick. Because she didn’t see me doing what I did. And obviously I didn’t tell her.
Fondest childhood memories… and saddest memories…
I have loved every single moment, I spent at my mother’s ancestral home in Ernakulam, during my childhood. In fact, I kept on looking forward to going back to that place every vacation during my school days in Trivandrum. On the contrary, I used to loath going to Vaikom, which is my father’s place.
Not quite sure if it is the saddest, but when my grandmother died (mother’s mother – she was the first to die among my grand parents), I cried for one whole night and went to sleep. I think I never had a sadder situation.
But the next day, however, I was back to my games with my cousins. I remember all of us later being called to perform these rituals, which I, at that point of time, found quite amusing.
Childhood memories you remember…
My childhood friends used to be my (maternal) cousins. I just loved running around the whole village with them in Ernakulam. We were always kept away from the river (backwaters) by the elders. But we kept finding our way back there. We used to do shallow fishing with our hands. And dig for shells. But since none of us wanted to get caught, we left it all there.
I used to go to the nursery (my first school) at Hail Mary School, with my uncle on his bicycle. I used to sit on the handle bar in the front waving out to everyone. And once on the way back from Mulanthuruthy, we tripped over a pipe and fell. The bicycle, uncle and me. All three of us. Right into the canal. The people from the neighboring fields came running and pulled us out. I didn’t drink much water ‘coz my uncle held my head above the water. The canal is still there. And so is the pump house, from which there used to be that big pipe. But both the walk way and the pipe are gone.
The times that you’ve been punished by parent/teachers/elders/others – and you felt was unfair and the memory of which you take it along with you….always …
My dad, well, he used to be after the both of us (my brother and me) all the time that we lost count of which was fair and which, unfair.
But there was this incident that happened in my sixth standard. There was this little fellow in my class who was appointed the ‘monitor’ for a period ‘coz this teacher had to some important business somewhere else, and by the end of the period I happened to have a big fist fight with that guy ‘coz I felt he was being unfairly harsh on me. And by the time the teacher came back. We were separated and brought forward to be ‘questioned’. Then she declared that he could slap me across my face ‘twice’ for what I had done. All my next three years there in Chandigarh I waited for an apt occasion so that I could pay him back his dues. But it never came.
I still haven’t had my ‘vengeance’. His name is Ashok. And I have lost all contacts with him. ‘Ashok, are you reading this? Dude, I’m waiting for you!!! (Just kidding, buddy. I am not angry with you anymore)’.
Ever felt like hitting your parents
Thankfully, no! Thankfully, ‘coz you are not supposed to hit them back when they hit you. And no, ‘coz I never felt that way. Simple.
Ever felt like hitting your teachers
Many times. Mostly during my time in Trivandrum. But then, not all of them. There were some kind and sweet souls too.
I had joined the same school, KV Pattom, for a second time. But this time it was different.
By the time I reached the Xth standard, the place resembled hell to me. And for the next two years, I had to live in that rotten place, because I had no other option. The place outside its walls was unknown to me. And there was no proper guide. Not just the teachers, if I had my way, I would have even killed some of my classmates. In fact, I had very little close friends.
I hated my college too. But at least I was not made to do things I hated. Here I changed my way of looking at things. And my life suddenly got better. I had my own set of friends and my own way of life. I enjoyed most of it.
Ever felt like hitting elders (as in relatives/family friends/someone known to you and is generally respected)
Not too much, I guess. Or maybe, not enough to remember them.
Worst quarrel/fight you had with your friends/brother/teachers that you remember
There have been quite a few occasions. One was with my little brother.
Then he was still a little baby. In his nursery. He used to follow me everywhere. Once we were playing on a swing in his school where I had gone to collect him with my mother. He was so excited to see me that he went on declaring I was his brother, pulling me hard. I got so irritated that I pushed him and he fell. And he started crying uncontrollably. I became so embarrassed that instead of comforting him, I ran, leaving my mother to take care of him.
Time and again, I keep getting guilty of that incident. And now, he is soo beyond sorry(s) that I can never bring up that again.
What do you think is your best achievement - looking back…?
I haven’t still achieved what I really aspire for. So no point talking about it.
Situations you were embarrassed beyond you could handle…
Once I read the news during the morning assembly and screwed it up. The kind hearted principal that we had, made me do the whole thing again, which went even worse. I became so notorious because of that incident that in KV Pattom, I am still the reference point for all bad presentations there.
I think by far that has been the most embarrassing moment. ‘Coz after that I have always been doubly careful of my all my ‘public’ and ‘private’ appearances. All my appearances, meetings, conferences & presentations have been great and well-received so far.
Who influenced you the most till now…
My dad. Do I even need a reason?
Mohanlal. He is the single most reason why I made up my mind to be in the show business. I seriously think there is no business like the show business. I remember, it was watching him perform in a what-now-seems-totally-outdated movie, ‘Manthrikam’, I made up my mind to be in the movies.
Ram Gopal Varma. His Satya made me realize the only thing worth being in the showbiz is director. I got myself a sense of direction with that one film.
Mani Ratnam. Though technically Madhu Kaithapuram is the one who initiated me into the world of cinema, I still consider Mani Ratnam to be my idol. My guru. Most of his stories are exactly the ones that I aspire to do someday. If and when I do one independently.
Smoked?
Yes.. Quite a few times. But frankly, I’ve hated it always. I don’t really think it suits me one bit.
Got drunk?
Yes, quite a few times. But again, I never enjoyed it. Actually, I don’t like missing out all the fun lying knocked out.
Stolen a car?
Well, why would I do that..? I’d rather rob a bank which I suppose (Please… I’m not serious about this) be bit more exciting (and rewarding!).
Shoplifted?
Nope. But do remember having torn off a couple of pages of some history book, which we couldn’t borrow, but still we needed them for our school project. And I made an absolute fool of myself at school when I told my friends that I had a terrible scene at home for having opened up before him about this.
Been arrested?
Yes. And … God! This IS embarrassing! Well, it was during my school days. But I swear I was totally innocent. I was in this overcrowded bus. And I was near the door but I WASN’T hanging on to the footboard. The bus was all off a sudden stopped by the police and I was pulled out by them since I was still standing there. Actually I wasn’t aware of what was happening. Everyone hanging on to the door at the footboard pushed themselves in past me.
We were released a couple of hours later without having any charges pressed on us. But the next day newspaper carried a news item that said Trivandrum City police arrested 150 eve teasers. Craaap! (How could that be? I mean since the private buses have all ladies seats in the front and we were caught from the rear end of the bus). And as expected, at home Dad never believed me, when I told my parents about it..
Skipped Classes (for no genuine reason)?
Strange, but true - only a few times, adding both my high school and college ones’.
Strange, ‘coz I hated every second I spent there. True, ‘coz whether it was due to being madly in love with one of my classmates, while at school, Or, for the ‘10’ attendance marks that added up to my sessionals, while at college, I always found a reason to attend all my classes.
Snuck out of my parents’ home?
Well, it has been part of my growing up. There used to be constant confrontations with my dad at home, most of which ended with him trying to kick me out of his home. And that was when I used to accept defeat. Thank God, I had my mom to support me then. Always.
Looking back, it seems kind of strange ‘coz then if I had a choice I wouldn’t have stayed there at all. In fact, I ran at the first opportunity I got. Those were my engineering days at Kollam. But now of all places in the world, I’d rather be at home. With my dad. Maybe it happens to everyone after a certain age.
Your brush with death - if any??
I have always tried imagining how this will be. Feeling death around.
Once my friend Shijo and I were driving home after a late night movie when this auto rickshaw that over took us, hitting us in the process. We (Shijo and me - I was driving), lost our balance and fell. Right behind us was this pick-up truck. We almost expected us to be run over the moment we touched the ground.
But then a miracle happened. We never touched ground. Few inches from the ground, I regained my balance and steadied our bike. I felt as if there was some external force acting on it. THAT was close. The truck passed about two inches from our heads (we weren’t even wearing a helmet).
It took maybe a fraction of second. All of it. But then so it was. We were happy to be so very ALIVE!
I am sure I (actually we were) was saved by that guardian angel. I know its there helping me always in all my difficult situations. But this was the best of the lot.
Have you ever thought about committing suicide??
Yes. Once. I climbed up on this raised parapet above our terrace of our quarters in Chandigarh. It was the only highest point on that two-storied building. But I got scared when I looked down.
It so happened that I was scared at the thought of telling my dad that there was this complaint against me in my school for which he was to go and meet my class teacher. (I was a good student then, so this one must have been for some other stupid reason, which I don’t remember now). Anyways, after having ruled out the idea of committing suicide I had no other go but to tell my dad. At that point of time, it seemed to me less scary.
I was this very innocent 4th standard boy who had very limited options then, I guess. May be, I could have run away from home. Or, better still, kill that class teacher. But none of these thoughts came to my mind then.
And that was the only occasion ever, I thought about dying. And over the years, I have learned to hate death and love life.
Have you ever got an intuition that a certain thing will happen to you and has it??
I have had intuitions. But am still waiting for it to happen.
Have you ever had an intuition of how your future is going to be??
Like I said. I am waiting. Whatever happens, when it happens, my future will depend on how it happens.
Your first crush??
I think it was either a teacher who taught me English in my 2nd standard (I remember following her everywhere and being over enthusiastic about all my English classes), or a girl whose name was Mary (I remember scribbling ‘I love you Mary’, on the compound walls of our school where we used to wait for our ‘Airforce bus’). Ironically, I don’t remember the faces of either. And I don’t remember which happened first.
And first love?
It was the tall, beautiful Punjabi girl who used to be my classmate in Chandigarh. I fell in love while playing basketball with her (love in basketball court… he he… and she looked WOW!.. running around in her short navy blue skirts…!) during the end term of 8th standard just before my school closed for the summer holidays. But before I could take it any further, we came to Trivandrum (My dad got posted there) where I lost myself in the eyes of a mysterious lady with her short hair, a hand in cast, always missing the morning assembly, always writing notes, looking down through her glasses. She, with her ‘husband’ - with whom she felt complete, has formed herself a ‘family-life’at some part of the world I am unaware of - while I am yet to recover from it completely. And why this one is worth mentioning is 'coz neither of my later relations left me shocked as this one did.
It was also during that period that I made the mistake of calling one of the most gorgeous ladies, my sister. I bet, till this day she thinks I’m an idiot. But in her case, I actually wanted her to be my sister. A very beautiful sister.
Been eve teased?
Ha ha.
Adam teased?
Ha ha ha ha.
What do you look for in your future partner?
Peace. Comfort. Company. Understanding. Compassion. Above all, love. Does anyone need anything more?
Ever had any forbidden feeling – crush/love/others towards (parents/siblings/teachers/others)?
Parents/sibilings/relatives – NO! Teachers – yes, towards a few of them. Others – well, yes. In fact, all the time. So no need to describe.
Ever had a strong feeling (as in love/crush) to a person you haven’t seen??
I don’t know. Actually, I don’t remember.
Ever had crush/love for a celebrity?
Love – No. Crush - Yes.
The first one was Divya Bharati. I was smitten by her, when I saw her pictures on the covers of the film magazines. But then a little later came the news that she fell from her balcony and died.
Then there have been quite a lot. Annie (the Malayalam actress – when I saw her in the movie, ‘Ammayana Satyam’). This continued till she got married to Shaji Kailas, the film director. After which, came the movie ‘Aniyathipravu’ – the original of Priyadarshan’s ‘Dholi Saja Ke Rakna’. I had this huge crush on Shalini, which lasted quite a few years (longest period), until Ajith thanked Shalini for ‘loving him’ during a filmfare award night– which I was watching on TV. The cameras went on and filmed her smiling bright and wiiide. Craaash!! My heart fell down and broke.
Anyways, by that time Arundhathi Roy had already won the booker prize for her book ‘God of Small Things’. And for the next four years, the newspapers and magazines carried articles, both that she wrote and those that were written on her. And I found out she was one.. gorgeously intelligent lady. And I am known for my weakness for intelligent females.
In between, I had this brief crush on Isha Koppikar when I saw her debut movie (that came out first), a Tamil movie called ‘Kathal Kavithai’ and another one on Simran when I saw her ‘Vali’. Both of which died down pretty fast, as soon as I overcame the hangover of those movies. There were others too. Short term ones. Mostly cine actresses. Kate Winslet, Rachel Weiz, Meera Jasmine, Jyothika were some of them.
Had feelings for someone who dint have them back? / been aware of someone’s feeling for you when you dint have them back?
Yes. And either way, believe me, it hurts. One due to the insult. And other for the guilt.
Has a girl/lady made a sexual advance at you??
Never had such luck. Ha ha..
Has a boy/man made a sexual advance at you??
Nope. DON’T want that to happen to me either.
Have you made a sexual advance at a girl/lady??
Sex to me was always an extension of love. So I wouldn’t do that to someone I’m not in love with. And with a person you are in love with, it can’t be ‘sexual advance’ because you don’t have to. You simply have to submit yourself in love.
Have you been attracted (strong physical attraction) to some guy – school/public places/wherever…?
Nope. I’m NOT homosexual. I find that revolting.
Have you been attracted (strong physical attraction) to some girl – school/public places/wherever…?
Too many times. But they were all harmless ones. I never pursued them. May be that explains why I am still ‘alive’.
People you can’t live without?
My father. My brother. My close friends.
Has your lying saved someone from a big trouble?
Couple of times. But not too significant enough to mention them.
Was he/she grateful to you for that? / Did he/she return that favour and saved you out of trouble??
Grateful. Yup. Returning favour. Yes and no. But then again not too significant enough to mention.
Have you tried pay-it-forward?
Yes.
Have you visited/seen a police station/lock up/jail (in real)??
Yup. When an unfortunate misunderstanding happened between the Kerala police and me. They thought I was one of those eve teasers. Idiots.
Have you ever met a real life gangster?
Yup. Once. Thammanam Shaji. Though ‘technically’ I haven’t still met him. Once I saw him coming out of a mosque, at Thammanam, Cochin. I was visiting one of my friends at a nearby place. My friend pointed out him to me. He looked quite an ordinary person to me unlike the kind media described him. So ordinary that if he wore a red shirt, yellow pants, black shoes and a brown goggle and stood before you, you will still not notice him.
He looked at me once. I smiled the instance I saw him. He smiled back. Maybe he knew the fact that he was celebrity in his own right. Maybe he was used to all the attention he got. And maybe he enjoyed it all.
Any politician/leader/statesman you wish lived longer?
Gandhiji. I really wanted to see him. Having heard about him so much. I think he was an incarnation of God. He came. He did his job. He went away. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Any politician/leader/statesman you wish were dead long ago?
I hate modern politics. I wish there was dictatorship in my country. Maybe things would have been different for the country if situations were like in time of emergency. May be a little less violent. I think fear could do wonders to the growth and development of a country.
The gadgets you’d love to own?
Just gadget – No.
It would rather be a combination of many other things. A farmhouse in the suburbs Cochin. If possible on the banks of the backwaters. I don’t think that would actually be possible by today’s standards given the ever-increasing price of real estate in Cochin. The house would be built in stone. There would be long verandahs (corridors) with floor tiles made of clay. Lot of plants. A room in the basement exclusively for my home theatre and DVD collection and another one on the roof with broad window for my books, a well stocked library.
Things you can’t live without?
Glasses. Phone. DVDs. Books. Money.
Countries/states/cities/places you’d love to visit?
If I had my way I would visit every single corner of this world. One of the reasons why I aspire to make films is because I want to travel everywhere and it shouldn’t sound like a tourist trip.
Flown a kite?
Tried a lot during my summers in Chandigarh. I never learnt it. Every day I’d buy a kite and have it torn each time trying.
Gone puddle jumping?
Nope. But I enjoy puddle biking. Still do it every time it rains in Cochin.
Fallen asleep at work or at school/college?
Never during my student days. But millions of times at work. In fact, I still do.
Used a fake ID?
Yea. Used to, while I was new to the internet. But not anymore. These days, I really don’t browse for new friends. Maintaining the old ones alone eat up all my time.
Felt an earthquake/Been through Tsunami?
Earthquake: thrice. Twice in Chandigarh. Once in Kottayam. Tsunami. Thankfully no. But I remember getting restless and desperately trying to contact two of my college friends from Andamans. And it was about a very uneasy month later, I got a word from them. They were in Bangalore and Chennai ‘respect’ively. Absolutely safe. So that in a way was experiencing the Tsunami.
Seen a shooting star?
Inspired by the ‘Toottha Tharas’ of KJ movies, I used to search for them all the time. But I never found any. And once when I saw them. It was quite a big celestial event. The sky was full of them. This happened way back in 1999 or 2000. Anyways, lying on the terrace of our college hostel I kept on wishing like they all do. And when I ran out of wishes, I kept repeating them. And off course, none of them have come true so far.
Been robbed?
(As in robbed??!) Thankfully, no!!! And I don’t want to either!
Been misunderstood?
Well, yes. Too many times to count. Or, even remember.
Won a contest?
Thankfully, I usually never win when I compete with others. Most of them are better than me in everything I think I can do ‘good’. The only moment that I cherish is when I won a third in a 10000 meters race, while at college. And then, I was only competing with myself. I only wanted to finish that much distance running!
Been in an accident?
Thankfully, just twice or thrice in the last twelve years (ever since I started driving). No one hurt each time. But every time I had to quarrel with them to avoid paying compensation. And on each occasion, none of us were thankful to have come out of it unhurt.
Paid for meals in coins?
Yup. Initially when me and Joby got together to start an agency. We were living on saved pennies. Thank fully, the tide turned in our favour the moment Subhash chettan joined with us.
Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?
Yup. Whenever something went wrong in any of my relations, I would tell myself I wouldn’t be the first to apologize, but then almost with an amazing consistency it was always me… except on a very few occasions. And I have always hated doing that.
Cried?
Millions of times! Why, give me a sweet little ‘senti’ movie, I’ll cry.
Written letter to God?
Yup. Once. But I knew what I was doing. I only tried for the kick of it. That letter probably ended in the dead letter office.
Tried drawing?
Last time I tried drawing was when I was in class 8th. I haven’t touched colours ever since. But I always think any feeling can be best expressed drawing. Writing has its limitations.
Have you gone rock climbing?
Yea, quite a few times. When we were shooting for couple of resorts in Munnar, Kodai Kanal, Wayandu to name a few. For us the challenge was to carry all the equipments to the top without dropping them.
Have you swum? Ever?
Haven’t learnt it yet. Though tried a thousand times. Most of the times, I ended up drinking a lot of water.
Have you gone camping in the forest?
Once as part of the nature club, while at school. It was an interior area, outskirts of Trivandrum, I guess, someplace on the way to Thenmala. More recently, for a night in the forests of Wayanadu, while shooting for Kerala State Eco-tourism.
The longest distance you have traveled alone??
I have traveled the entire length. And breadth of Kerala. Alone on my bike. By far it’s the longest.
Have you ever been afraid of the dark??
When I was very small, I used to run towards the nearest light if I ever I had to go out into the dark. I even used to sleep with the lights on whenever I had to sleep alone. But thank god. Both my brother and me slept with our parents as kids so we seldom got the chance to be afraid.
Have you visited a graveyard?
Haven’t really ‘visited’, but have seen quite a lot of them on several occasions from outside. But I don’t think that the idea is any strange at all.
Have you watched a pyre burning?
Yes, many times. More significantly, thrice. When both my maternal grand parents and my mother died. On each occasion, I watched the entire pyre burn down.
Have you seen a ghost?
Thankfully no. And I don’t want to either. I think they are all creepy. But once, couple of years back, I happened to have a tiff with some of the local assholes in the area I lived, in Cochin. And when I returned to my hostel, my friends told me I almost looked like one.
Ever tried learning a language from someone else?
Yup. Chinese from a girl I met on the Internet. But I don’t remember even a single word she tried to teach.
Ever tried teaching a language to someone else?
Yup. On couple of occasions. To quite a few of my friends. More recently, I taught English and Malayalam to a Nepalese friend of mine.
Have you ever tried sharing your food with a stranger?
I would love to. If it has to be with a beautiful female. I sure will. Even if it means I have to starve in the process.
Have you ever written love letters for others (as in to help someone with writing)?
Yup. Mostly, while I was in college. But it was more fun when I did it for the first time to help one of my friends, while in Chandigarh. I was in my 6th standard then. The girl took one look at it and came straight to me and said, ‘Tune hi usko yeh sab likhna sikhaya hai na?’. I was quite taken aback. I didn’t know whether to take that as a compliment or complaint. Since she a very dear friend of mine she didn’t create any further problem for me, though she told me I had hurt her. I remember feeling very bad and miserable after that. For myself.
Ironically, similar incidents happened to me couple of times more, in college. In both cases, both the girl and the boy have been my very close friends.
Have you thought about attaching yourself with a cause? (Was it just for the sake of it/because you really meant to/or you were following others who were doing it)?
1. Against being careless about the side stand on a bike while driving. There are times when we forget to fold it before starting it.
2. Informing the car drivers - if their doors aren’t shut properly.
3. To make a blink sign with my hand when a vehicle coming in the opposite direction has put on its headlight in the broad daylight.
In each of these cases, I think it’s the most appropriate thing to do. Because it’s not something that the person driving would really know if by chance they haven’t had it right in the first place. It might prove to be fatal without you even realizing it.
Your ultimate dream?
To make a movie that would stay on in everyone’s memory as a great film. That way, maybe, they might even remember its ‘director’.
The first ever (initial) thought(s) in your life (from the time you were born) that you remember…
I think… I remember putting my finger in my mouth. Because I remember feeling my throat. And the tongue. And the teeth. And I remember the taste of my fingers.
And I remember putting my fingers in my brother’s mouth and he vomited. We were traveling in a bus to somewhere. He was a little baby. Almost new born… I guess so. My mother thought he was sick. Because she didn’t see me doing what I did. And obviously I didn’t tell her.
Fondest childhood memories… and saddest memories…
I have loved every single moment, I spent at my mother’s ancestral home in Ernakulam, during my childhood. In fact, I kept on looking forward to going back to that place every vacation during my school days in Trivandrum. On the contrary, I used to loath going to Vaikom, which is my father’s place.
Not quite sure if it is the saddest, but when my grandmother died (mother’s mother – she was the first to die among my grand parents), I cried for one whole night and went to sleep. I think I never had a sadder situation.
But the next day, however, I was back to my games with my cousins. I remember all of us later being called to perform these rituals, which I, at that point of time, found quite amusing.
Childhood memories you remember…
My childhood friends used to be my (maternal) cousins. I just loved running around the whole village with them in Ernakulam. We were always kept away from the river (backwaters) by the elders. But we kept finding our way back there. We used to do shallow fishing with our hands. And dig for shells. But since none of us wanted to get caught, we left it all there.
I used to go to the nursery (my first school) at Hail Mary School, with my uncle on his bicycle. I used to sit on the handle bar in the front waving out to everyone. And once on the way back from Mulanthuruthy, we tripped over a pipe and fell. The bicycle, uncle and me. All three of us. Right into the canal. The people from the neighboring fields came running and pulled us out. I didn’t drink much water ‘coz my uncle held my head above the water. The canal is still there. And so is the pump house, from which there used to be that big pipe. But both the walk way and the pipe are gone.
The times that you’ve been punished by parent/teachers/elders/others – and you felt was unfair and the memory of which you take it along with you….always …
My dad, well, he used to be after the both of us (my brother and me) all the time that we lost count of which was fair and which, unfair.
But there was this incident that happened in my sixth standard. There was this little fellow in my class who was appointed the ‘monitor’ for a period ‘coz this teacher had to some important business somewhere else, and by the end of the period I happened to have a big fist fight with that guy ‘coz I felt he was being unfairly harsh on me. And by the time the teacher came back. We were separated and brought forward to be ‘questioned’. Then she declared that he could slap me across my face ‘twice’ for what I had done. All my next three years there in Chandigarh I waited for an apt occasion so that I could pay him back his dues. But it never came.
I still haven’t had my ‘vengeance’. His name is Ashok. And I have lost all contacts with him. ‘Ashok, are you reading this? Dude, I’m waiting for you!!! (Just kidding, buddy. I am not angry with you anymore)’.
Ever felt like hitting your parents
Thankfully, no! Thankfully, ‘coz you are not supposed to hit them back when they hit you. And no, ‘coz I never felt that way. Simple.
Ever felt like hitting your teachers
Many times. Mostly during my time in Trivandrum. But then, not all of them. There were some kind and sweet souls too.
I had joined the same school, KV Pattom, for a second time. But this time it was different.
By the time I reached the Xth standard, the place resembled hell to me. And for the next two years, I had to live in that rotten place, because I had no other option. The place outside its walls was unknown to me. And there was no proper guide. Not just the teachers, if I had my way, I would have even killed some of my classmates. In fact, I had very little close friends.
I hated my college too. But at least I was not made to do things I hated. Here I changed my way of looking at things. And my life suddenly got better. I had my own set of friends and my own way of life. I enjoyed most of it.
Ever felt like hitting elders (as in relatives/family friends/someone known to you and is generally respected)
Not too much, I guess. Or maybe, not enough to remember them.
Worst quarrel/fight you had with your friends/brother/teachers that you remember
There have been quite a few occasions. One was with my little brother.
Then he was still a little baby. In his nursery. He used to follow me everywhere. Once we were playing on a swing in his school where I had gone to collect him with my mother. He was so excited to see me that he went on declaring I was his brother, pulling me hard. I got so irritated that I pushed him and he fell. And he started crying uncontrollably. I became so embarrassed that instead of comforting him, I ran, leaving my mother to take care of him.
Time and again, I keep getting guilty of that incident. And now, he is soo beyond sorry(s) that I can never bring up that again.
What do you think is your best achievement - looking back…?
I haven’t still achieved what I really aspire for. So no point talking about it.
Situations you were embarrassed beyond you could handle…
Once I read the news during the morning assembly and screwed it up. The kind hearted principal that we had, made me do the whole thing again, which went even worse. I became so notorious because of that incident that in KV Pattom, I am still the reference point for all bad presentations there.
I think by far that has been the most embarrassing moment. ‘Coz after that I have always been doubly careful of my all my ‘public’ and ‘private’ appearances. All my appearances, meetings, conferences & presentations have been great and well-received so far.
Who influenced you the most till now…
My dad. Do I even need a reason?
Mohanlal. He is the single most reason why I made up my mind to be in the show business. I seriously think there is no business like the show business. I remember, it was watching him perform in a what-now-seems-totally-outdated movie, ‘Manthrikam’, I made up my mind to be in the movies.
Ram Gopal Varma. His Satya made me realize the only thing worth being in the showbiz is director. I got myself a sense of direction with that one film.
Mani Ratnam. Though technically Madhu Kaithapuram is the one who initiated me into the world of cinema, I still consider Mani Ratnam to be my idol. My guru. Most of his stories are exactly the ones that I aspire to do someday. If and when I do one independently.
Smoked?
Yes.. Quite a few times. But frankly, I’ve hated it always. I don’t really think it suits me one bit.
Got drunk?
Yes, quite a few times. But again, I never enjoyed it. Actually, I don’t like missing out all the fun lying knocked out.
Stolen a car?
Well, why would I do that..? I’d rather rob a bank which I suppose (Please… I’m not serious about this) be bit more exciting (and rewarding!).
Shoplifted?
Nope. But do remember having torn off a couple of pages of some history book, which we couldn’t borrow, but still we needed them for our school project. And I made an absolute fool of myself at school when I told my friends that I had a terrible scene at home for having opened up before him about this.
Been arrested?
Yes. And … God! This IS embarrassing! Well, it was during my school days. But I swear I was totally innocent. I was in this overcrowded bus. And I was near the door but I WASN’T hanging on to the footboard. The bus was all off a sudden stopped by the police and I was pulled out by them since I was still standing there. Actually I wasn’t aware of what was happening. Everyone hanging on to the door at the footboard pushed themselves in past me.
We were released a couple of hours later without having any charges pressed on us. But the next day newspaper carried a news item that said Trivandrum City police arrested 150 eve teasers. Craaap! (How could that be? I mean since the private buses have all ladies seats in the front and we were caught from the rear end of the bus). And as expected, at home Dad never believed me, when I told my parents about it..
Skipped Classes (for no genuine reason)?
Strange, but true - only a few times, adding both my high school and college ones’.
Strange, ‘coz I hated every second I spent there. True, ‘coz whether it was due to being madly in love with one of my classmates, while at school, Or, for the ‘10’ attendance marks that added up to my sessionals, while at college, I always found a reason to attend all my classes.
Snuck out of my parents’ home?
Well, it has been part of my growing up. There used to be constant confrontations with my dad at home, most of which ended with him trying to kick me out of his home. And that was when I used to accept defeat. Thank God, I had my mom to support me then. Always.
Looking back, it seems kind of strange ‘coz then if I had a choice I wouldn’t have stayed there at all. In fact, I ran at the first opportunity I got. Those were my engineering days at Kollam. But now of all places in the world, I’d rather be at home. With my dad. Maybe it happens to everyone after a certain age.
Your brush with death - if any??
I have always tried imagining how this will be. Feeling death around.
Once my friend Shijo and I were driving home after a late night movie when this auto rickshaw that over took us, hitting us in the process. We (Shijo and me - I was driving), lost our balance and fell. Right behind us was this pick-up truck. We almost expected us to be run over the moment we touched the ground.
But then a miracle happened. We never touched ground. Few inches from the ground, I regained my balance and steadied our bike. I felt as if there was some external force acting on it. THAT was close. The truck passed about two inches from our heads (we weren’t even wearing a helmet).
It took maybe a fraction of second. All of it. But then so it was. We were happy to be so very ALIVE!
I am sure I (actually we were) was saved by that guardian angel. I know its there helping me always in all my difficult situations. But this was the best of the lot.
Have you ever thought about committing suicide??
Yes. Once. I climbed up on this raised parapet above our terrace of our quarters in Chandigarh. It was the only highest point on that two-storied building. But I got scared when I looked down.
It so happened that I was scared at the thought of telling my dad that there was this complaint against me in my school for which he was to go and meet my class teacher. (I was a good student then, so this one must have been for some other stupid reason, which I don’t remember now). Anyways, after having ruled out the idea of committing suicide I had no other go but to tell my dad. At that point of time, it seemed to me less scary.
I was this very innocent 4th standard boy who had very limited options then, I guess. May be, I could have run away from home. Or, better still, kill that class teacher. But none of these thoughts came to my mind then.
And that was the only occasion ever, I thought about dying. And over the years, I have learned to hate death and love life.
Have you ever got an intuition that a certain thing will happen to you and has it??
I have had intuitions. But am still waiting for it to happen.
Have you ever had an intuition of how your future is going to be??
Like I said. I am waiting. Whatever happens, when it happens, my future will depend on how it happens.
Your first crush??
I think it was either a teacher who taught me English in my 2nd standard (I remember following her everywhere and being over enthusiastic about all my English classes), or a girl whose name was Mary (I remember scribbling ‘I love you Mary’, on the compound walls of our school where we used to wait for our ‘Airforce bus’). Ironically, I don’t remember the faces of either. And I don’t remember which happened first.
And first love?
It was the tall, beautiful Punjabi girl who used to be my classmate in Chandigarh. I fell in love while playing basketball with her (love in basketball court… he he… and she looked WOW!.. running around in her short navy blue skirts…!) during the end term of 8th standard just before my school closed for the summer holidays. But before I could take it any further, we came to Trivandrum (My dad got posted there) where I lost myself in the eyes of a mysterious lady with her short hair, a hand in cast, always missing the morning assembly, always writing notes, looking down through her glasses. She, with her ‘husband’ - with whom she felt complete, has formed herself a ‘family-life’at some part of the world I am unaware of - while I am yet to recover from it completely. And why this one is worth mentioning is 'coz neither of my later relations left me shocked as this one did.
It was also during that period that I made the mistake of calling one of the most gorgeous ladies, my sister. I bet, till this day she thinks I’m an idiot. But in her case, I actually wanted her to be my sister. A very beautiful sister.
Been eve teased?
Ha ha.
Adam teased?
Ha ha ha ha.
What do you look for in your future partner?
Peace. Comfort. Company. Understanding. Compassion. Above all, love. Does anyone need anything more?
Ever had any forbidden feeling – crush/love/others towards (parents/siblings/teachers/others)?
Parents/sibilings/relatives – NO! Teachers – yes, towards a few of them. Others – well, yes. In fact, all the time. So no need to describe.
Ever had a strong feeling (as in love/crush) to a person you haven’t seen??
I don’t know. Actually, I don’t remember.
Ever had crush/love for a celebrity?
Love – No. Crush - Yes.
The first one was Divya Bharati. I was smitten by her, when I saw her pictures on the covers of the film magazines. But then a little later came the news that she fell from her balcony and died.
Then there have been quite a lot. Annie (the Malayalam actress – when I saw her in the movie, ‘Ammayana Satyam’). This continued till she got married to Shaji Kailas, the film director. After which, came the movie ‘Aniyathipravu’ – the original of Priyadarshan’s ‘Dholi Saja Ke Rakna’. I had this huge crush on Shalini, which lasted quite a few years (longest period), until Ajith thanked Shalini for ‘loving him’ during a filmfare award night– which I was watching on TV. The cameras went on and filmed her smiling bright and wiiide. Craaash!! My heart fell down and broke.
Anyways, by that time Arundhathi Roy had already won the booker prize for her book ‘God of Small Things’. And for the next four years, the newspapers and magazines carried articles, both that she wrote and those that were written on her. And I found out she was one.. gorgeously intelligent lady. And I am known for my weakness for intelligent females.
In between, I had this brief crush on Isha Koppikar when I saw her debut movie (that came out first), a Tamil movie called ‘Kathal Kavithai’ and another one on Simran when I saw her ‘Vali’. Both of which died down pretty fast, as soon as I overcame the hangover of those movies. There were others too. Short term ones. Mostly cine actresses. Kate Winslet, Rachel Weiz, Meera Jasmine, Jyothika were some of them.
Had feelings for someone who dint have them back? / been aware of someone’s feeling for you when you dint have them back?
Yes. And either way, believe me, it hurts. One due to the insult. And other for the guilt.
Has a girl/lady made a sexual advance at you??
Never had such luck. Ha ha..
Has a boy/man made a sexual advance at you??
Nope. DON’T want that to happen to me either.
Have you made a sexual advance at a girl/lady??
Sex to me was always an extension of love. So I wouldn’t do that to someone I’m not in love with. And with a person you are in love with, it can’t be ‘sexual advance’ because you don’t have to. You simply have to submit yourself in love.
Have you been attracted (strong physical attraction) to some guy – school/public places/wherever…?
Nope. I’m NOT homosexual. I find that revolting.
Have you been attracted (strong physical attraction) to some girl – school/public places/wherever…?
Too many times. But they were all harmless ones. I never pursued them. May be that explains why I am still ‘alive’.
People you can’t live without?
My father. My brother. My close friends.
Has your lying saved someone from a big trouble?
Couple of times. But not too significant enough to mention them.
Was he/she grateful to you for that? / Did he/she return that favour and saved you out of trouble??
Grateful. Yup. Returning favour. Yes and no. But then again not too significant enough to mention.
Have you tried pay-it-forward?
Yes.
Have you visited/seen a police station/lock up/jail (in real)??
Yup. When an unfortunate misunderstanding happened between the Kerala police and me. They thought I was one of those eve teasers. Idiots.
Have you ever met a real life gangster?
Yup. Once. Thammanam Shaji. Though ‘technically’ I haven’t still met him. Once I saw him coming out of a mosque, at Thammanam, Cochin. I was visiting one of my friends at a nearby place. My friend pointed out him to me. He looked quite an ordinary person to me unlike the kind media described him. So ordinary that if he wore a red shirt, yellow pants, black shoes and a brown goggle and stood before you, you will still not notice him.
He looked at me once. I smiled the instance I saw him. He smiled back. Maybe he knew the fact that he was celebrity in his own right. Maybe he was used to all the attention he got. And maybe he enjoyed it all.
Any politician/leader/statesman you wish lived longer?
Gandhiji. I really wanted to see him. Having heard about him so much. I think he was an incarnation of God. He came. He did his job. He went away. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Any politician/leader/statesman you wish were dead long ago?
I hate modern politics. I wish there was dictatorship in my country. Maybe things would have been different for the country if situations were like in time of emergency. May be a little less violent. I think fear could do wonders to the growth and development of a country.
The gadgets you’d love to own?
Just gadget – No.
It would rather be a combination of many other things. A farmhouse in the suburbs Cochin. If possible on the banks of the backwaters. I don’t think that would actually be possible by today’s standards given the ever-increasing price of real estate in Cochin. The house would be built in stone. There would be long verandahs (corridors) with floor tiles made of clay. Lot of plants. A room in the basement exclusively for my home theatre and DVD collection and another one on the roof with broad window for my books, a well stocked library.
Things you can’t live without?
Glasses. Phone. DVDs. Books. Money.
Countries/states/cities/places you’d love to visit?
If I had my way I would visit every single corner of this world. One of the reasons why I aspire to make films is because I want to travel everywhere and it shouldn’t sound like a tourist trip.
Flown a kite?
Tried a lot during my summers in Chandigarh. I never learnt it. Every day I’d buy a kite and have it torn each time trying.
Gone puddle jumping?
Nope. But I enjoy puddle biking. Still do it every time it rains in Cochin.
Fallen asleep at work or at school/college?
Never during my student days. But millions of times at work. In fact, I still do.
Used a fake ID?
Yea. Used to, while I was new to the internet. But not anymore. These days, I really don’t browse for new friends. Maintaining the old ones alone eat up all my time.
Felt an earthquake/Been through Tsunami?
Earthquake: thrice. Twice in Chandigarh. Once in Kottayam. Tsunami. Thankfully no. But I remember getting restless and desperately trying to contact two of my college friends from Andamans. And it was about a very uneasy month later, I got a word from them. They were in Bangalore and Chennai ‘respect’ively. Absolutely safe. So that in a way was experiencing the Tsunami.
Seen a shooting star?
Inspired by the ‘Toottha Tharas’ of KJ movies, I used to search for them all the time. But I never found any. And once when I saw them. It was quite a big celestial event. The sky was full of them. This happened way back in 1999 or 2000. Anyways, lying on the terrace of our college hostel I kept on wishing like they all do. And when I ran out of wishes, I kept repeating them. And off course, none of them have come true so far.
Been robbed?
(As in robbed??!) Thankfully, no!!! And I don’t want to either!
Been misunderstood?
Well, yes. Too many times to count. Or, even remember.
Won a contest?
Thankfully, I usually never win when I compete with others. Most of them are better than me in everything I think I can do ‘good’. The only moment that I cherish is when I won a third in a 10000 meters race, while at college. And then, I was only competing with myself. I only wanted to finish that much distance running!
Been in an accident?
Thankfully, just twice or thrice in the last twelve years (ever since I started driving). No one hurt each time. But every time I had to quarrel with them to avoid paying compensation. And on each occasion, none of us were thankful to have come out of it unhurt.
Paid for meals in coins?
Yup. Initially when me and Joby got together to start an agency. We were living on saved pennies. Thank fully, the tide turned in our favour the moment Subhash chettan joined with us.
Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?
Yup. Whenever something went wrong in any of my relations, I would tell myself I wouldn’t be the first to apologize, but then almost with an amazing consistency it was always me… except on a very few occasions. And I have always hated doing that.
Cried?
Millions of times! Why, give me a sweet little ‘senti’ movie, I’ll cry.
Written letter to God?
Yup. Once. But I knew what I was doing. I only tried for the kick of it. That letter probably ended in the dead letter office.
Tried drawing?
Last time I tried drawing was when I was in class 8th. I haven’t touched colours ever since. But I always think any feeling can be best expressed drawing. Writing has its limitations.
Have you gone rock climbing?
Yea, quite a few times. When we were shooting for couple of resorts in Munnar, Kodai Kanal, Wayandu to name a few. For us the challenge was to carry all the equipments to the top without dropping them.
Have you swum? Ever?
Haven’t learnt it yet. Though tried a thousand times. Most of the times, I ended up drinking a lot of water.
Have you gone camping in the forest?
Once as part of the nature club, while at school. It was an interior area, outskirts of Trivandrum, I guess, someplace on the way to Thenmala. More recently, for a night in the forests of Wayanadu, while shooting for Kerala State Eco-tourism.
The longest distance you have traveled alone??
I have traveled the entire length. And breadth of Kerala. Alone on my bike. By far it’s the longest.
Have you ever been afraid of the dark??
When I was very small, I used to run towards the nearest light if I ever I had to go out into the dark. I even used to sleep with the lights on whenever I had to sleep alone. But thank god. Both my brother and me slept with our parents as kids so we seldom got the chance to be afraid.
Have you visited a graveyard?
Haven’t really ‘visited’, but have seen quite a lot of them on several occasions from outside. But I don’t think that the idea is any strange at all.
Have you watched a pyre burning?
Yes, many times. More significantly, thrice. When both my maternal grand parents and my mother died. On each occasion, I watched the entire pyre burn down.
Have you seen a ghost?
Thankfully no. And I don’t want to either. I think they are all creepy. But once, couple of years back, I happened to have a tiff with some of the local assholes in the area I lived, in Cochin. And when I returned to my hostel, my friends told me I almost looked like one.
Ever tried learning a language from someone else?
Yup. Chinese from a girl I met on the Internet. But I don’t remember even a single word she tried to teach.
Ever tried teaching a language to someone else?
Yup. On couple of occasions. To quite a few of my friends. More recently, I taught English and Malayalam to a Nepalese friend of mine.
Have you ever tried sharing your food with a stranger?
I would love to. If it has to be with a beautiful female. I sure will. Even if it means I have to starve in the process.
Have you ever written love letters for others (as in to help someone with writing)?
Yup. Mostly, while I was in college. But it was more fun when I did it for the first time to help one of my friends, while in Chandigarh. I was in my 6th standard then. The girl took one look at it and came straight to me and said, ‘Tune hi usko yeh sab likhna sikhaya hai na?’. I was quite taken aback. I didn’t know whether to take that as a compliment or complaint. Since she a very dear friend of mine she didn’t create any further problem for me, though she told me I had hurt her. I remember feeling very bad and miserable after that. For myself.
Ironically, similar incidents happened to me couple of times more, in college. In both cases, both the girl and the boy have been my very close friends.
Have you thought about attaching yourself with a cause? (Was it just for the sake of it/because you really meant to/or you were following others who were doing it)?
1. Against being careless about the side stand on a bike while driving. There are times when we forget to fold it before starting it.
2. Informing the car drivers - if their doors aren’t shut properly.
3. To make a blink sign with my hand when a vehicle coming in the opposite direction has put on its headlight in the broad daylight.
In each of these cases, I think it’s the most appropriate thing to do. Because it’s not something that the person driving would really know if by chance they haven’t had it right in the first place. It might prove to be fatal without you even realizing it.
Your ultimate dream?
To make a movie that would stay on in everyone’s memory as a great film. That way, maybe, they might even remember its ‘director’.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
The story that was...
For once I sat down listening to the song. An old hit from a Bharathan classic, ‘Palangal’ (Railway lines).
Etho janma kalpanayil
Etho janma veechikalil
Ninum nee vannu
Oru nimisham
Ee oru nimisham
Veedum nammal onnai
And suddenly, I thought about her. It occurred to me the radio was playing to me our song. Our relation always needed an explanation. To justify it maybe. This song said it all. 'We had become one, for a moment, as we met across many births'. And we had lived that instance like a lifetime.
As the strains of music ‘grew’ I became restless, I called her up right then and played her the song over the phone. She whispered back to me instead, reminding me she was in a sales meeting. ‘Oh… I’m sorry. Sure baby, you carry on’. She had told me last night about this sales review thing and I forgot. ‘Shit’. I keep calling her my baby but all the time it was me who behaved like one.
Sometimes I did get it. Mothering me most of the time took a toll on her. But I couldn’t help it. I was the kid that never grew up. I still am. And maybe I always will. Behind the hardworking and serious self that I project, I have always been an irresponsibly emotional and a hopeless romantic who always craved for attention. She had to be there for me always. Even if it meant she had to screw up her life for it.
However she tried, I never made it up to her. Ours remained a stormy relation as long as it went on. Sex was good. But then there was more to a relation than sex. She might have wanted it too. She left at the point it her drained of all her energies.
It’s raining outside. And I miss her presence besides me. The once soothing tune has begun to get on my nerves. But then the end is always meant to be painful, isn’t it?
Etho janma kalpanayil
Etho janma veechikalil
Ninum nee vannu
Oru nimisham
Ee oru nimisham
Veedum nammal onnai
And suddenly, I thought about her. It occurred to me the radio was playing to me our song. Our relation always needed an explanation. To justify it maybe. This song said it all. 'We had become one, for a moment, as we met across many births'. And we had lived that instance like a lifetime.
As the strains of music ‘grew’ I became restless, I called her up right then and played her the song over the phone. She whispered back to me instead, reminding me she was in a sales meeting. ‘Oh… I’m sorry. Sure baby, you carry on’. She had told me last night about this sales review thing and I forgot. ‘Shit’. I keep calling her my baby but all the time it was me who behaved like one.
Sometimes I did get it. Mothering me most of the time took a toll on her. But I couldn’t help it. I was the kid that never grew up. I still am. And maybe I always will. Behind the hardworking and serious self that I project, I have always been an irresponsibly emotional and a hopeless romantic who always craved for attention. She had to be there for me always. Even if it meant she had to screw up her life for it.
However she tried, I never made it up to her. Ours remained a stormy relation as long as it went on. Sex was good. But then there was more to a relation than sex. She might have wanted it too. She left at the point it her drained of all her energies.
It’s raining outside. And I miss her presence besides me. The once soothing tune has begun to get on my nerves. But then the end is always meant to be painful, isn’t it?
Saturday, September 08, 2007
An absolute fact...
Read this somewhere and its just so irresistible not to put it here....
“I’ve noticed that there is a difference between having sex with some random chick or making love to the woman you love. But blowjobs are an entirely different story…”
Well, how true...
“I’ve noticed that there is a difference between having sex with some random chick or making love to the woman you love. But blowjobs are an entirely different story…”
Well, how true...
Saturday, September 01, 2007
The roits
She was raped. Her throat was slit open. The sole excuse was 'leave us alone with our job, the roits have changed us.'
A casual thought...
... about casual sex...!
I don't believe in casual sex for the simple reason that I don't feel like sleeping with someone who's never going to have any meaning in my life.
I don't believe in casual sex for the simple reason that I don't feel like sleeping with someone who's never going to have any meaning in my life.
The princess...
It was during this process of self discovery that a certain teacher was hurt. She knows who she is. I used to call her my princess. I beg her to forgive me. I happened to be hopelessly in love with her at that point of time.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Kochi to Doha
It’s as exciting as the first touch of a foreign flesh on your lips. Or better still, like the sex you have for the very first time. Confusing, yet so much exciting. Being a first timer on a foreign land, that is.
And fact is, I’m loving it! All of it!!
3 pm. OMG! I should be starting now.
We are still at the Palarivattom Web World, arguing over the address change issue with the guy at the counter.
Sir, sir, sir…. Why don’t we keep our voice a little lower??
3.15 pm. There we are. Wading through all the traaaffic!
Achan’s fuming. As we drive in. I sport a sheepish grin and let myself in. Subhash chettan stays back to explain. I dash into the kitchen to finish off my Maggi Noodles.
And we are driving all over again. This time to Airport.
3.20 pm. Irony. Of life?!
Achan, my Dad, moves to the centre as Gopi uncle let himself in. and wow, what’s this? Dad sharing the seat with his both brother-in-laws on the either side??!
4 pm. Its good bye. For a pretty long time from now.
‘Sorry Sir, only passengers are allowed in.’ … And I walk in without looking back even once.
As I take a step back at the entrance, I find my dad standing right behind me… He had followed me all the way in!
He holds my hand and stares at me.
And I don’t believe this!! My daddy strongest….. Why is he crying?
And my brother. He hugged me. And my father. He hugged me. Tiiiightly….
4.15 pm. Last Indian Rupee. First Qatar Riyal.
Money exchange at Cochin International Airport. I get 5, 100 Riyals, 1, 50 Riyals, 3, 10 Riyals and 3, 1 Riyals for all the money I have. I’m stinking rich. More stinking than rich. I am sweating all over. Owing to all the excitement that I have been through.
4.20 pm. Weight check.
Do you really want to carry all that luggage?? Why’s an idiot like the guy at the counter asking a stupid question like this?
That’s 4 kgs extra. But you need to pay for only 3 kgs….
So that’s 1200 in Indian Rupees at Rupees 400 per kg for all the (Bipin’s) meat I’m carrying.
4.30 pm. Emigration check.
Visiting someone?? Is there someone??
Yup, friends…
Is it your first time? What’s your work like? Staying in Cochin?
I have an ad agency here in Cochin... That’s our permanent address. We are like settled in Trivandrum.
Thanks!
4.40 pm. Waiting Room (or, is it hall??) CIAL.
Has it all finished?? Did I miss something??
Gosh…!!! I dint say ‘goodbye’… I dint say it even once…
OMG!!
I need to make a call… I need to talk... I need to communicate... OMG! OMG!... Lemme call my dad...
Shit! Where’s the phone?? Where’s it..??
Why am I jumping over…? Why am I running around like a maniac...? Now what’s this in my pockets?? Oh... just my keys…
Someone’s coming for me at the airport... At Doha?!
I’m shivering. I’m feeling light.
Should I make a call?? Should I make a call??
My hands are cold. My feet is cold. My nose is running. My shirts has all come out.
Your smile’s such a relief. Love you sweetheart. And the child turned and smiled at me once again.
Ah.. Here’s an illiterate. And I’m filling up his immigration form?!
Should I write my name alone?? Or should I write my address too?? Should I write my husband’s name here? Or, just his name alone?? Aa.. Women..?!
Should I call??
Should I call??
I need to pee… I need to blow my nose… Hoo… I need to clean up..
Ah.. The toilet...
Gosh..! I look like shit…
Why’s my hand shaking??
So where's my privacy??
Mmm.. not baaddd!!
They’re all sitting..!
Are they all sleeping?
Are they thinking something??
Why’s this idiot looking at me??
Why’s that crack shouting over the phone??
Why’s that ass$*#@ bragging in Hindi??
What’s that girl doing with her glasses wearing a phone?? Did I see here cleavage??
God…! What was that ?? Are they going out on a picnic??
Ooh… is that a Somalian??
Noppee… it’s the airhostess… What’s really happening?? Aren’t the girls supposed to have tits and ass’??
Now there’s a cute little girl, cute like a cat.. Sipping with a straw from her brother’s cup…
Hey what’s on this ticket?? I’m discovering it all only now... Shit! Why didn’t I read my documents?? What am I doing? All set to fly off to a foreign land without trying to know anything about the place…
OMG! OMG!!
Ah.. There the phone’s free… Lemme call dad …
Acha, its me… Checking in and all, finished... Now I’m waiting... Flight’s only at 6.25… I’m waiting…
Now that’s a relief… hmmm…
It was 5. Now its 6.
(OMG!! Am I repeating myself bit too much??)
Ohhh.. Now who’s this?? Maaan… She’s hot…
Sitting next to her mom, she says, ‘ok, so you start’.
Huh?! Start...? What?!
She speaks like I’m already having sex with her!!!
Hey sexy.. cute hair style… and thighs!!
I wanna eat her alive… I wanna bite her lips…
Gosh!! Why did she smile?? It sucks!! She looks like a pig... Duh…! Eats like one too… Huh… How people change..?! With a smile...!
6.15 pm. It’s the time.
Finally... Inside the airbus… Ahh… That’s the pretty girl dressed up in white… She’s smiling as if I know her. ‘Welcome’, she says. I smile back.
I’m trying to figure out where to keep my luggage when this other pretty girl with a cute ass turns and open the luggage boot for me, ‘keep it here, sir’, forcing a smile on to her lips.
She looks at me like I’m covered all over with shit…. Such aa… pretty $#@&*!!!
6.30 pm. It’s moving!
Its shaking all over. OMG! Its moving!!
Why’ve they switched all lights off…?
Is it raining outside?? No?? Looks pretty damp anyway….
6.40 pm. It turns a U.
Its suddenly pulling meeee….. Ooooohhh!!!! Its risinggggg!!!!
I hold on to my armrests… Someone’s forcing me up…. up.. upP….aaand UPPP!!!
Two Airhostesses are dancing in sign language. Someone’s talking for them. In English. And in Hindi.
It’s tilted and still. Cochin looks... ookkk... from the top. And I’m on Cloud .... there are so many of them… cant count which…
Cochin already looks like a Google map.
Clouds are far below. Down. Under. It’s a faint bed of cotton wool.
Plane’s suddenly still.
‘….to Trivandrum…. 200 kms in 30 minutes….’, they say.
I need to pee… The toilet... And steel washbasin looks fine. Only I need to push my head in to blow my nose….
OMG!! It’s looking pretty bad. There’s a stick out there behind the pipe. Press it. Water’s sucked in. Water and all.
I’m light again. Someone below, I suppose, is feeling the rain on his face. Ha.
Flush, flush. Hey, what’s that…?! It looks and groans like it’ll suck me in.
Once outside. I find a very long queue. I guess, they all need to pee. And outside, its getting dark.
CRAASSHH….!
Gosh!!! What was that?? Are we really crashing?? And I haven’t even left the borders…!
‘It’s just a hard touch down’, says my co passenger, ‘It’s all in His hands’.
‘Whose?!!' … 'Oh God’s…?' 'I thought it was the pilot's.’
8.20 p.m. We are flying again.
They’re showing ‘Chandrolsavam’ without sound. I mean I can only hear the howling sound from the outside.
Here comes a girl selling headphones. How strange is that?? ‘Four Riyals for one…. And we are showing another movie after this…’, she says and moves on.
Huh.. why would I even bother to watch a flop movie for 4 Riyals?
They’re serving food. I hope they don’t ask me to pay for it.
A set of dull looking ‘free’ food packages are ‘arranged’ before me.
It’s going to be 3000 kms away from home. And I am not coming back tomorrow. And I suddenly miss my father.
I hope he is fine. I saw him crying, the last time I saw him. And I dint turn back to look at him even for once.
I don’t know. I wish I knew. I really wish I knew. But the truth is, I really don't know.
Actually I hope they are both fine. My only family. My brother and my father. I miss them both.
Goddd…!! Why’s my back paining? It’s worse than KSRTC here. All cramped.
Hey… Little Meenukutty wants to 'hear' the film. Her headphone isn’t working in her seat. Or, anywhere else for that matter. So that’s 4 Riyals down (or above?) the Arabian sea. She finally shares the seat with the man next to me. And after five minutes, she leaves. Bored.
11.40 pm. Approaching Doha.
It’s shaking time and again. They are ‘gutters’, I am told.
The pressure’s playing a different game. My ears are closing. And opening. And closing.
It’s shaking harder this time.
They are saying something. I can’t hear a thing.
OMG… My nerves’ bursting. My brains’ gonna pop out. I guess, its going down. Very fast. My ears are still stuck. Gosh… When’s it going to end?
11.52 p.m. Arabia.
Ah… City lights again.
So here’s the end of Arabian Sea. And beginning of Arabia(n) land.
City looks clearer. Why are the buildings outlined with lights? Do I suspect a strange neatness all over??
Aaand … we touched down?!
Why dint I feel it here unlike the noisy landing at Trivandrum??
11.58 p.m. Time to change time.
'It’s 9.27 p.m.', goes the announcement as we all gather ourselves to alight.
9.35 p.m. Emigration check.
‘Asalam walaykum….’ I give the heavily veiled lady at the counter.
‘Walaykum Asalam…’ She stamps my passport and returns it, without even looking up once...
I smile. People around me think I am mad.
Here comes my extra luggage on the belt. I pick up my suitcase and hang bag and look for a trolley. My co-passenger detaches a trolley from the train. I load our entire luggage on to that and push.
'Why’s it not moving?'.
'You got to push down this handle bar'. We move on.
Yet another scanning. And there it goes. And comes out.
We reload our stuff and move on.
9.50 p.m. Gafoor Ka Dost (Nadodikattu, the hit Malayalam classic *ing Mohanlal... anyone?) in Doha.
There’s a sea of faces at the exit. I search for my ‘Gafoor’. And I find not one but two.
There they are. Bipin and Prabhash. They are both there. Waving. Smiling.
We cross the exit door.
OMG! What’s this? Both of them resemble blown up balloons. What’s happening?! Are they preparing for WWF??
Bipin comes forward and hugs me tighhhttt!! Uppaa… I’m getting crushed you idiot! Prabhash, shakes hands, as always. ‘Welcome to Doha’, he says.
I introduce my co-passenger to them. Hi.. ok… bye… shit! Where’s he? I forgot to get his number. So there I lost touch with a kind native soul in a foreign land.
Anyways, we move on.
‘This is Anish…’
‘Hi…’
Walking over to the parking lot we reach our Toyota Pick Up. We throw all my boxes into the boot and so…
‘It’s so good to see you … btw what’re you guys eating these days?? Iron??’
'It's the food here.'
‘And where's your Honda Civic…?!’ I ask Prabhash to which he points out to a car parked very near to us.
‘Oh really?! That’s the one?’… No, but it looks exactly the same!
Guys…?! Why are we standing outside in this furnace??
‘Ok then. See you tomorrow’. Prabhash leaves for the night. And rest of us get inside our pick-up. Switch on the A/C.
‘Eda ... I’ll sit in the front. I wanna do some sightseeing’. We switch seats. Bipin and I.
We leave the airport at 11.00 p.m. Qatar time. And that’s a whole one and a half hour since my arrival.
Anish takes the wheel. And we are off.
11.05 p.m. Doha.
We stop at a traffic signal. I find the road empty and encourage Anish to drive on. He looks at me with this shit-scared look on his face, which changes to a sheepish grin as his gaze travel beyond me. I turn to see what he sees.
OOOoooohhh! Two yummy looking Chineese girls pulled up besides our pick-up.
Man…. What boobs…!! All of us wish.... To squeeeeezze them. There isn’t a shooting star anywhere in the vicinity to make our wish come true, though.
11.13 p.m. Among the city lights.
You had anything on board?
Nope. Just coffee. And a sandwich. And…. Nothing else.
Hungry?
No…. What a stupid question!!! Off course I am …. Why you guys had dinner??
Yea, we did.
Ok… Let’s buy something from outside and go.
I try calling home from Bipin’s phone. ‘All routes are busy’ followed by the same (I hope!) in Arabic.
We arrive at our villa. ‘You’ll be put up here for a month… then they’ll arrange another accommodation for you, nearer to your office’. We switch on the A/C in the room. It’s almost 12 p.m.
I try calling home, again. Busy still.
We sit down and talk, late into the night, until Bipin retires, ‘Better catch some sleep while its still night’.
I venture out, for a little while, just for the sake of it. Hooo… it’s a bloody furnace out there in the middle of the night…!
I finally send an sms to my Dad… ‘Reached here safely. Will call tomorrow.’
7.00 a.m. The first day in Doha. Technically.
We get into one of the cars. And arrive at Gem. Bipin’s place. And several minutes later, we arrive at Advent. My new place.
Introductions start. ‘Sreejit Swamy?! Weren’t you at Stark in between??
Someone’s heard talking outside as we wait in Ravi’s room. ‘Ravi’s here’, says Bipin.
So we meet again. How did it all go??
11.00 a.m. Advent World Wide.
I show (off) my portfolio to Ravi. And Thank God…. It’s working!
Of all the DVDs I sent earlier, none worked! So they are practically seeing my works for the first time. OMG! Why’s my nose still running?! I excuse myself.
‘Where’s the gents toilet?’, I ask Irene whom I met earlier.
With both her hands she points towards the door, ‘outside’.
‘Left’, as I open the door.
I open the tap and wash my face. And as I blow my nose, I find blood.
So, my nerves did burst out. And it was like first time sex, after all!
And fact is, I’m loving it! All of it!!
3 pm. OMG! I should be starting now.
We are still at the Palarivattom Web World, arguing over the address change issue with the guy at the counter.
Sir, sir, sir…. Why don’t we keep our voice a little lower??
3.15 pm. There we are. Wading through all the traaaffic!
Achan’s fuming. As we drive in. I sport a sheepish grin and let myself in. Subhash chettan stays back to explain. I dash into the kitchen to finish off my Maggi Noodles.
And we are driving all over again. This time to Airport.
3.20 pm. Irony. Of life?!
Achan, my Dad, moves to the centre as Gopi uncle let himself in. and wow, what’s this? Dad sharing the seat with his both brother-in-laws on the either side??!
4 pm. Its good bye. For a pretty long time from now.
‘Sorry Sir, only passengers are allowed in.’ … And I walk in without looking back even once.
As I take a step back at the entrance, I find my dad standing right behind me… He had followed me all the way in!
He holds my hand and stares at me.
And I don’t believe this!! My daddy strongest….. Why is he crying?
And my brother. He hugged me. And my father. He hugged me. Tiiiightly….
4.15 pm. Last Indian Rupee. First Qatar Riyal.
Money exchange at Cochin International Airport. I get 5, 100 Riyals, 1, 50 Riyals, 3, 10 Riyals and 3, 1 Riyals for all the money I have. I’m stinking rich. More stinking than rich. I am sweating all over. Owing to all the excitement that I have been through.
4.20 pm. Weight check.
Do you really want to carry all that luggage?? Why’s an idiot like the guy at the counter asking a stupid question like this?
That’s 4 kgs extra. But you need to pay for only 3 kgs….
So that’s 1200 in Indian Rupees at Rupees 400 per kg for all the (Bipin’s) meat I’m carrying.
4.30 pm. Emigration check.
Visiting someone?? Is there someone??
Yup, friends…
Is it your first time? What’s your work like? Staying in Cochin?
I have an ad agency here in Cochin... That’s our permanent address. We are like settled in Trivandrum.
Thanks!
4.40 pm. Waiting Room (or, is it hall??) CIAL.
Has it all finished?? Did I miss something??
Gosh…!!! I dint say ‘goodbye’… I dint say it even once…
OMG!!
I need to make a call… I need to talk... I need to communicate... OMG! OMG!... Lemme call my dad...
Shit! Where’s the phone?? Where’s it..??
Why am I jumping over…? Why am I running around like a maniac...? Now what’s this in my pockets?? Oh... just my keys…
Someone’s coming for me at the airport... At Doha?!
I’m shivering. I’m feeling light.
Should I make a call?? Should I make a call??
My hands are cold. My feet is cold. My nose is running. My shirts has all come out.
Your smile’s such a relief. Love you sweetheart. And the child turned and smiled at me once again.
Ah.. Here’s an illiterate. And I’m filling up his immigration form?!
Should I write my name alone?? Or should I write my address too?? Should I write my husband’s name here? Or, just his name alone?? Aa.. Women..?!
Should I call??
Should I call??
I need to pee… I need to blow my nose… Hoo… I need to clean up..
Ah.. The toilet...
Gosh..! I look like shit…
Why’s my hand shaking??
So where's my privacy??
Mmm.. not baaddd!!
They’re all sitting..!
Are they all sleeping?
Are they thinking something??
Why’s this idiot looking at me??
Why’s that crack shouting over the phone??
Why’s that ass$*#@ bragging in Hindi??
What’s that girl doing with her glasses wearing a phone?? Did I see here cleavage??
God…! What was that ?? Are they going out on a picnic??
Ooh… is that a Somalian??
Noppee… it’s the airhostess… What’s really happening?? Aren’t the girls supposed to have tits and ass’??
Now there’s a cute little girl, cute like a cat.. Sipping with a straw from her brother’s cup…
Hey what’s on this ticket?? I’m discovering it all only now... Shit! Why didn’t I read my documents?? What am I doing? All set to fly off to a foreign land without trying to know anything about the place…
OMG! OMG!!
Ah.. There the phone’s free… Lemme call dad …
Acha, its me… Checking in and all, finished... Now I’m waiting... Flight’s only at 6.25… I’m waiting…
Now that’s a relief… hmmm…
It was 5. Now its 6.
(OMG!! Am I repeating myself bit too much??)
Ohhh.. Now who’s this?? Maaan… She’s hot…
Sitting next to her mom, she says, ‘ok, so you start’.
Huh?! Start...? What?!
She speaks like I’m already having sex with her!!!
Hey sexy.. cute hair style… and thighs!!
I wanna eat her alive… I wanna bite her lips…
Gosh!! Why did she smile?? It sucks!! She looks like a pig... Duh…! Eats like one too… Huh… How people change..?! With a smile...!
6.15 pm. It’s the time.
Finally... Inside the airbus… Ahh… That’s the pretty girl dressed up in white… She’s smiling as if I know her. ‘Welcome’, she says. I smile back.
I’m trying to figure out where to keep my luggage when this other pretty girl with a cute ass turns and open the luggage boot for me, ‘keep it here, sir’, forcing a smile on to her lips.
She looks at me like I’m covered all over with shit…. Such aa… pretty $#@&*!!!
6.30 pm. It’s moving!
Its shaking all over. OMG! Its moving!!
Why’ve they switched all lights off…?
Is it raining outside?? No?? Looks pretty damp anyway….
6.40 pm. It turns a U.
Its suddenly pulling meeee….. Ooooohhh!!!! Its risinggggg!!!!
I hold on to my armrests… Someone’s forcing me up…. up.. upP….aaand UPPP!!!
Two Airhostesses are dancing in sign language. Someone’s talking for them. In English. And in Hindi.
It’s tilted and still. Cochin looks... ookkk... from the top. And I’m on Cloud .... there are so many of them… cant count which…
Cochin already looks like a Google map.
Clouds are far below. Down. Under. It’s a faint bed of cotton wool.
Plane’s suddenly still.
‘….to Trivandrum…. 200 kms in 30 minutes….’, they say.
I need to pee… The toilet... And steel washbasin looks fine. Only I need to push my head in to blow my nose….
OMG!! It’s looking pretty bad. There’s a stick out there behind the pipe. Press it. Water’s sucked in. Water and all.
I’m light again. Someone below, I suppose, is feeling the rain on his face. Ha.
Flush, flush. Hey, what’s that…?! It looks and groans like it’ll suck me in.
Once outside. I find a very long queue. I guess, they all need to pee. And outside, its getting dark.
CRAASSHH….!
Gosh!!! What was that?? Are we really crashing?? And I haven’t even left the borders…!
‘It’s just a hard touch down’, says my co passenger, ‘It’s all in His hands’.
‘Whose?!!' … 'Oh God’s…?' 'I thought it was the pilot's.’
8.20 p.m. We are flying again.
They’re showing ‘Chandrolsavam’ without sound. I mean I can only hear the howling sound from the outside.
Here comes a girl selling headphones. How strange is that?? ‘Four Riyals for one…. And we are showing another movie after this…’, she says and moves on.
Huh.. why would I even bother to watch a flop movie for 4 Riyals?
They’re serving food. I hope they don’t ask me to pay for it.
A set of dull looking ‘free’ food packages are ‘arranged’ before me.
It’s going to be 3000 kms away from home. And I am not coming back tomorrow. And I suddenly miss my father.
I hope he is fine. I saw him crying, the last time I saw him. And I dint turn back to look at him even for once.
I don’t know. I wish I knew. I really wish I knew. But the truth is, I really don't know.
Actually I hope they are both fine. My only family. My brother and my father. I miss them both.
Goddd…!! Why’s my back paining? It’s worse than KSRTC here. All cramped.
Hey… Little Meenukutty wants to 'hear' the film. Her headphone isn’t working in her seat. Or, anywhere else for that matter. So that’s 4 Riyals down (or above?) the Arabian sea. She finally shares the seat with the man next to me. And after five minutes, she leaves. Bored.
11.40 pm. Approaching Doha.
It’s shaking time and again. They are ‘gutters’, I am told.
The pressure’s playing a different game. My ears are closing. And opening. And closing.
It’s shaking harder this time.
They are saying something. I can’t hear a thing.
OMG… My nerves’ bursting. My brains’ gonna pop out. I guess, its going down. Very fast. My ears are still stuck. Gosh… When’s it going to end?
11.52 p.m. Arabia.
Ah… City lights again.
So here’s the end of Arabian Sea. And beginning of Arabia(n) land.
City looks clearer. Why are the buildings outlined with lights? Do I suspect a strange neatness all over??
Aaand … we touched down?!
Why dint I feel it here unlike the noisy landing at Trivandrum??
11.58 p.m. Time to change time.
'It’s 9.27 p.m.', goes the announcement as we all gather ourselves to alight.
9.35 p.m. Emigration check.
‘Asalam walaykum….’ I give the heavily veiled lady at the counter.
‘Walaykum Asalam…’ She stamps my passport and returns it, without even looking up once...
I smile. People around me think I am mad.
Here comes my extra luggage on the belt. I pick up my suitcase and hang bag and look for a trolley. My co-passenger detaches a trolley from the train. I load our entire luggage on to that and push.
'Why’s it not moving?'.
'You got to push down this handle bar'. We move on.
Yet another scanning. And there it goes. And comes out.
We reload our stuff and move on.
9.50 p.m. Gafoor Ka Dost (Nadodikattu, the hit Malayalam classic *ing Mohanlal... anyone?) in Doha.
There’s a sea of faces at the exit. I search for my ‘Gafoor’. And I find not one but two.
There they are. Bipin and Prabhash. They are both there. Waving. Smiling.
We cross the exit door.
OMG! What’s this? Both of them resemble blown up balloons. What’s happening?! Are they preparing for WWF??
Bipin comes forward and hugs me tighhhttt!! Uppaa… I’m getting crushed you idiot! Prabhash, shakes hands, as always. ‘Welcome to Doha’, he says.
I introduce my co-passenger to them. Hi.. ok… bye… shit! Where’s he? I forgot to get his number. So there I lost touch with a kind native soul in a foreign land.
Anyways, we move on.
‘This is Anish…’
‘Hi…’
Walking over to the parking lot we reach our Toyota Pick Up. We throw all my boxes into the boot and so…
‘It’s so good to see you … btw what’re you guys eating these days?? Iron??’
'It's the food here.'
‘And where's your Honda Civic…?!’ I ask Prabhash to which he points out to a car parked very near to us.
‘Oh really?! That’s the one?’… No, but it looks exactly the same!
Guys…?! Why are we standing outside in this furnace??
‘Ok then. See you tomorrow’. Prabhash leaves for the night. And rest of us get inside our pick-up. Switch on the A/C.
‘Eda ... I’ll sit in the front. I wanna do some sightseeing’. We switch seats. Bipin and I.
We leave the airport at 11.00 p.m. Qatar time. And that’s a whole one and a half hour since my arrival.
Anish takes the wheel. And we are off.
11.05 p.m. Doha.
We stop at a traffic signal. I find the road empty and encourage Anish to drive on. He looks at me with this shit-scared look on his face, which changes to a sheepish grin as his gaze travel beyond me. I turn to see what he sees.
OOOoooohhh! Two yummy looking Chineese girls pulled up besides our pick-up.
Man…. What boobs…!! All of us wish.... To squeeeeezze them. There isn’t a shooting star anywhere in the vicinity to make our wish come true, though.
11.13 p.m. Among the city lights.
You had anything on board?
Nope. Just coffee. And a sandwich. And…. Nothing else.
Hungry?
No…. What a stupid question!!! Off course I am …. Why you guys had dinner??
Yea, we did.
Ok… Let’s buy something from outside and go.
I try calling home from Bipin’s phone. ‘All routes are busy’ followed by the same (I hope!) in Arabic.
We arrive at our villa. ‘You’ll be put up here for a month… then they’ll arrange another accommodation for you, nearer to your office’. We switch on the A/C in the room. It’s almost 12 p.m.
I try calling home, again. Busy still.
We sit down and talk, late into the night, until Bipin retires, ‘Better catch some sleep while its still night’.
I venture out, for a little while, just for the sake of it. Hooo… it’s a bloody furnace out there in the middle of the night…!
I finally send an sms to my Dad… ‘Reached here safely. Will call tomorrow.’
7.00 a.m. The first day in Doha. Technically.
We get into one of the cars. And arrive at Gem. Bipin’s place. And several minutes later, we arrive at Advent. My new place.
Introductions start. ‘Sreejit Swamy?! Weren’t you at Stark in between??
Someone’s heard talking outside as we wait in Ravi’s room. ‘Ravi’s here’, says Bipin.
So we meet again. How did it all go??
11.00 a.m. Advent World Wide.
I show (off) my portfolio to Ravi. And Thank God…. It’s working!
Of all the DVDs I sent earlier, none worked! So they are practically seeing my works for the first time. OMG! Why’s my nose still running?! I excuse myself.
‘Where’s the gents toilet?’, I ask Irene whom I met earlier.
With both her hands she points towards the door, ‘outside’.
‘Left’, as I open the door.
I open the tap and wash my face. And as I blow my nose, I find blood.
So, my nerves did burst out. And it was like first time sex, after all!
Sunday, August 12, 2007
The trip
The trip went better than we thought it would. With our eyes we made love to each other all along.
Power. Of Love, that is.
"....I was born when she kissed me. I died when
she left me. I lived a few weeks while she
loved me...."
IN A LONELY PLACE
Columbia, 1950
ACTOR Humphrey Bogart
SCREENWRITERS Edmund H. North, Andrew Solt
DIRECTOR Nicholas Ray
PRODUCER Robert Lord
she left me. I lived a few weeks while she
loved me...."
IN A LONELY PLACE
Columbia, 1950
ACTOR Humphrey Bogart
SCREENWRITERS Edmund H. North, Andrew Solt
DIRECTOR Nicholas Ray
PRODUCER Robert Lord
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
The masterpiece
Above the hem of her blouse, he saw the beginning of her two soft mounts, fair and fleshy.
She had this catchy smile that could hold anyone dead in their tracks. When she smiled, her eyes lit up with a divine sparkle in them and her cheeks went rosy pink. Her curls moved like little Anthurium swaying in breeze when she turned. For once in his life he experienced a respect that he had never felt towards God. It could not get any better than this.
He held on to his thoughts like his life depended on it. She was, indeed, the masterpiece of God.
She had this catchy smile that could hold anyone dead in their tracks. When she smiled, her eyes lit up with a divine sparkle in them and her cheeks went rosy pink. Her curls moved like little Anthurium swaying in breeze when she turned. For once in his life he experienced a respect that he had never felt towards God. It could not get any better than this.
He held on to his thoughts like his life depended on it. She was, indeed, the masterpiece of God.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Never have an affair with your best friend.
Its always easy to have it...
But when things go wrong, you loose a very dear friend forever.... Which isn't really the worth all the happiness you thought you'd gain from a relation...
But when things go wrong, you loose a very dear friend forever.... Which isn't really the worth all the happiness you thought you'd gain from a relation...
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Thinking is such a waste of time....
Thinking, is such a waste of time... Agreed, but then, without thinking actions are often end up like brakeless corporation truck.... Cochin corporation waste truck, at that...
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Who am I?
An apt description for the word, Sreejit Swamy, would be a self thought writer who makes a living out of thinking for others.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
The lessons in history....
..... say, bit too often, today's well-thinking & peace loving parents, were the hot-blooded revolutionists of yesterday...
Self defeated in a lost cause!!!
Breaking the conventions is one thing... But proving them wrong is quite another.... A lot tougher!
Self defeated in a lost cause!!!
Breaking the conventions is one thing... But proving them wrong is quite another.... A lot tougher!
A relation. As in.... a relation...!
He wasn't quite serious. And neither was she... All they wanted was a walking stick, that gave the each of them a false sense of contentment....
Them. The barriers.
Life's exciting when control barriers are scaled... Take away the barriers, you'd resemble a pig in the mirror...
Save a thought for them... You are what you are, thanks to them...!
Save a thought for them... You are what you are, thanks to them...!
Life's worth??
Its hard, to die young and abrupt. But harder still, is to live on.... like a piece of shit.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Vicious circle
Its hard, but truth is there are times when you love and hate the same person for the same reason. You love it when they are away from you. And yet, you hate it when you miss them.
You just can't help certain things from happening in your life.
You just can't help certain things from happening in your life.
The lock of hair.
She looked at me surprised when I pulled out a single lock of hair.
‘Ouch’, she said, echoing the hurt she had on her face. But it only added to my amusement as I wound it up on my finger.
You just can’t help doing the craziest thing when you are in the company of the woman you love.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Living with a lie...
Its bad enough not to be in a relation...
And even terrible is ... to be once in, and then out...
But could anything be worse than being in one... and all the time wanting to get out of it??
And even terrible is ... to be once in, and then out...
But could anything be worse than being in one... and all the time wanting to get out of it??
Missing you...
'I know....'
'...............'
'I know....'
'...............'
'I know....'
'...............'
'I know....'
'...............'
'I know....'
'...............'
Still I miss you....
'...............'
'I know....'
'...............'
'I know....'
'...............'
'I know....'
'...............'
'I know....'
'...............'
Still I miss you....
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
An attempt to make it better...
I have always wanted to write like ... someone who knows how to write...
A pity?! Since I basically write for a living.
Initially when I began toying with the idea… of having enough (in mind?) to fill out a paper… I wasn’t quite sure as where to start…
Much before getting initiated, while still a little boy, I used to wonder, though mostly not extending my thoughts beyond what the elders preached and the books prescribed, how could someone 'write', just like that, as they (the elders) say…
‘You don’t have to put an effort and think about writing… it’ll come to you when it has to’, they’d say. They probably meant to wait for the right moment to begin… Or may be, they didn’t… but I’d never know… I never quite understood them well enough…
Quite a few kindly ones told me not to think too hard. And some others said thoughts came to us on its own…and on their (the thoughts) arrival, writing them down wouldn't take much effort… And that was what writing’s all about…
But then ...
Are there supposed to be thoughts of any kind at all in the first place (I mean… initially, I never had any to begin with)?? Then how could anyone write without having thoughts of any kind in mind? And if so, where did these so-called thoughts come from?? Did they originate on their own (from God knows where)?? And when it happened, how do you make out if these were good enough to be written down??
To be shamelessly (?!) honest, I even had some utterly stupid doubts like if they (thoughts) had any connection with the pen or pencil or whatever… writing instruments and if they depended on the quality of paper used??
Today looking back, I feel I haven’t changed much. I still am (very much) doubtful and tensed before beginning to write (Or, conceive) anything at all. Since at most times, these aren’t (unlike the kind they mentioned) unforced ones, but results of a much-screwed-up-mental-obligation. Which is why, perhaps, I have always been in awe of all of them who can write better. For that matter, do anything better than me. Anything at all...
These days, I do not wait for the thoughts to come to me. More than that, I really can’t afford to. Force writing thoughts, ideas and solutions, to meet the deadlines, have become a way of life. So much so, that mind has started to switch off completely when not faced with pressure of any form.
And as for thoughts that dare (to break the rules), I find them arriving at the most unseemly hours, quite disappointing (and irritating) me, for being not in a position to actually pen them down, at times when I am driving, or watching a movie in a dark cinema hall, or while I’m in bed, too lazy to give up the comfort, even for a second, and actually loosing (my blog entries, mostly, are the ones I managed to recover) them from memory forever.
So...why, ask me, am I into this now? Writing, that is?!
The reason is simple. Out of a compulsive realization. That forced me into believing there’s nothing else I could do better for a living. The realization of the fact that, good or bad, nothing else would get me the recognition I deserve.
And that realization remains my only strength!Monday, June 25, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Kids...
Someone asked me why I loved kids so much... Whats so special about them??
I couldn't, at the time, give them a proper answer... But then, how could anyone... Its something which can only be felt, and never be explained...
I couldn't, at the time, give them a proper answer... But then, how could anyone... Its something which can only be felt, and never be explained...
A contradiction??
I hate compromises when they tend to break my neck.... but generally, I'm ready for them...
But do I contradict myself when I say so?....
But do I contradict myself when I say so?....
Woman. The mother of man.
(Read this somewhere, and found it too hard 'not' to publish it here...)
The woman is the mother...
However great and powerful may the man be, he can never be the mother... So woman should be respected...
Even in a relation, the pleasure is always mutual... but the pain that follows is not... which makes it just why she should be respected....
The woman is the mother...
However great and powerful may the man be, he can never be the mother... So woman should be respected...
Even in a relation, the pleasure is always mutual... but the pain that follows is not... which makes it just why she should be respected....
The betrayal
To him life wasn't that mysterious... It was simple... It reflected to him the story of a young man who found the mother of his child in the arms of another man... When confronted, it shocked him for once... But then he gathered himself up and left his past right there... And walked into the life ahead...
Friday, June 22, 2007
Ani. My little brother...
Ani, my little brother, looked at me seriously for once and said, ‘You are very lucky for me’.
Man, it made my day… Why, I can live my entire life hanging on to that one…
My guardian angel
‘Off course monu, I’m listening…Go on… And then…?’‘Well, then… Tell me where was I?’
'Monu, go on… Its good to hear you talk…’
With an amazing consistency, this was how she responded every time I sat down to have a serious discussion (or, were they just monologues, since I was only one who spoke during our ‘conversations’) with her…
I was 15 then. And two years later, she died.
Surprisingly, I never really missed her much all these years… May be the longing echo that brought me the kind word, had something to do with it… Or, may be it didn't ...
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Convoluted reality
A story sounds original as long as it is a story... As soon as it becomes original, it starts sounding like a story... You seem to believe a fictious fact and not a fact! How strange is that?!
A concept that we call love..
First we fell in love...
Then we fell out of love...
In between, though, no love was lost ...
Hell... so, when did we 'love'?
Then we fell out of love...
In between, though, no love was lost ...
Hell... so, when did we 'love'?
Game of love?
Its useless to possess the body when you are sure the soul isn't for you... Its like venting it out on a prostitute..
A flash back?
I felt cold and lonely...
A vague and misty vision of an uncertain future hovered about me then... Directions were marked clearly towards everywhere... But none of them seemed to take me anywhere...
A vague and misty vision of an uncertain future hovered about me then... Directions were marked clearly towards everywhere... But none of them seemed to take me anywhere...
Broken Dreams
Broken, failed dreams do look artistic, like a crumbled tissue paper smeared with shit...
The book called ‘Penmarric’...
The book called ‘Penmarric’, that I lost (irrecoverably, at that...) to a very dear friend of mine, familiarized me with quite a few nuances of normal life at a very tender age... My voice hadn't even cracked up properly...
The real human weaknesses (Or, abilities?!), so to say… Words (or, should we call them concepts?) like jealously, greed, back-biting, love affairs, seduction, adultery, illegitimacy, inheritance (a far cry from my father’s ideologies) struck right across my face...
Not that they meant much to me then, but at an age I wasn’t too prepared to handle it all came the realization they don’t exist only in books and movies, but are very much around us. Very much, indeed...!
A complete family
If we (my brother and I) loved our mother so much (enough to feel insecure after her death), it dint mean we loved our father any less... it was just that we loved her so much that we believed our family would only be complete with all the four of us together. Both of them, the parents and both of us, the brothers... Any less would make it incomplete...
The pimple
The pimple on the tip of my nose hurt ... whenever it itched, I scratched around it ...
Only I was too scared of breaking it...
Things were cracking up then... I guess...
Only I was too scared of breaking it...
Things were cracking up then... I guess...
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Apocalypse ... Now??
Since quite long I’ve been wondering about what exactly ‘Apocalypse’ means. But being very lazy, just to check the dictionary, I let it go…
Recently a friend of mine explained me what it means… Apocalypse: a prophetic revelation, esp. concerning a cataclysm in which the forces of good permanently triumph over the forces of evil. Or, any revelation or prophecy. Or, any universal or widespread destruction or disaster: the apocalypse of nuclear war.
But point isn’t its dictionary meaning. He taught me a history behind the concept ‘Apocalypse’, which would have never occurred to me had I tried the other way…
Monsoons in Cochin
Given the rainy season ... there couldn’t be a better topic than this at this point of time... Moreover, my brother too had a similar write up on this in his blog.…
Much like him, I too have begun to hate the monsoons in Cochin - even though we waste reams and reams of paper (hours before the computer - typing - in my case) writing adjectives to hard sell the concept of a romantic monsoon in Kerala to a visiting discerning tourist from abroad...
For a traveler visiting, may be for a short period of time, that too within the safe confinements of a resort or a hotel, it might seem amusing... but not for an average citizen who has to move around and work on a daily basis...
With the incessant, heavy rains inundating the city, water-logging the inner streets, and the main roads, uprooting trees, disrupting power supply for hours together, jamming telephone network, for the routine commuters, be it on the bus or the two wheelers or the four wheelers, often find it near impossible just to get around… getting to the next junction, so to say… besides you have to survive with that irritating dampness, all day long… Not to mention your work, coming to an absolute standstill…
And looking out of the window right now, I don’t find romance … but the upturned ‘underground’ water tank (victim of a raised water table)… and an uneasy thought haunts you … God, what about corporation water supply for another one week….
Forget the work pressure, forget the deadlines, and forget your client’s fury… When its raining in Cochin…its raining cats and dogs and ... God knows what else…!
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
A moment's pleasure...
He covered the naked heap of flesh in front of him and stole a kiss from its lips...
Maybe she'd wanted this...
Or, may be he'd forced it on her...
And as he watched her in glowing moonlight, she stirred in her sleep...
A faint smile appeared on her face... Or, was that a figment of his imagination??
Maybe she'd wanted this...
Or, may be he'd forced it on her...
And as he watched her in glowing moonlight, she stirred in her sleep...
A faint smile appeared on her face... Or, was that a figment of his imagination??
Tainted intellect...
She is certainly not a thinker.. And not a philosopher... not in the remotest of the senses... Only a profit seeking trash producing gossip monger...
All she knows ... is to strain her eyes through her tainted glasses... looking at the so called man's society.... And paint the world with the colour of her dirty mind...
She calls herself a writer and claims to be an intellect... And always get away with her histrionics?!... by calling her critics jealous losers who could never make it as writers...!
All she knows ... is to strain her eyes through her tainted glasses... looking at the so called man's society.... And paint the world with the colour of her dirty mind...
She calls herself a writer and claims to be an intellect... And always get away with her histrionics?!... by calling her critics jealous losers who could never make it as writers...!
Monday, June 18, 2007
Reasons.... Ahh.... Reasons....!!!
"I am sorry too..."
"Its not your fault, I am delibrately not calling you..."
"I am punishing myself..."
"I am stopping myself from not calling you..."
"I admit, it's all my mistake..."
"But I am controlling myself..."
"To hell with you and your reasons.....All you have ever done is drive me crazy, girl.... So pray, never call me again!!!"
"Its not your fault, I am delibrately not calling you..."
"I am punishing myself..."
"I am stopping myself from not calling you..."
"I admit, it's all my mistake..."
"But I am controlling myself..."
"To hell with you and your reasons.....All you have ever done is drive me crazy, girl.... So pray, never call me again!!!"
The Break up..
Inspite of being happy for not having to reject her... I felt bad for myself... for having been rejected...
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Freedom...
Let's dedicate at least one day of our lives to...
All those who died,
So that you and I live...!!
All those who fought
so that you and I are safe..!
All those who suffered
So that you and I enjoy...!!!
Exercise your freedom. Express your joy.
This is an old entry. Not quite sure (which is why I labeled it as 'quote', to be on the safe side) if I wrote this for some advertising campaign, which is quite unlikely. Or, did I simply copy it from some where...
All those who died,
So that you and I live...!!
All those who fought
so that you and I are safe..!
All those who suffered
So that you and I enjoy...!!!
Exercise your freedom. Express your joy.
This is an old entry. Not quite sure (which is why I labeled it as 'quote', to be on the safe side) if I wrote this for some advertising campaign, which is quite unlikely. Or, did I simply copy it from some where...
A big compromise... called life.
Question isn't what your way of life is, but how comfortable you are with it?
For the sake of it, I dint really go on with the flow... as the time demands... I hate adjustments... I am scared of it lest it may turn my life into one big adjustment...
A compromise isn't what I bargained for afterall...
For the sake of it, I dint really go on with the flow... as the time demands... I hate adjustments... I am scared of it lest it may turn my life into one big adjustment...
A compromise isn't what I bargained for afterall...
You. My love.
Your dreamy voice.
Your mysteriousness.
Your silence.
I know nothing about you more than this. And may be, that's what I love about you.
Your mysteriousness.
Your silence.
I know nothing about you more than this. And may be, that's what I love about you.
The beautiful one
'What's it?', she asked.
'Its a dream', I answered, 'Its a dream that'll make you the most beautiful person in the world.'
'Its a dream', I answered, 'Its a dream that'll make you the most beautiful person in the world.'
Feel better...?!
Clever ones respond with, "no, its not like that...!", when asked, "is there someone in your life?" How are we supposed to react to that? Feel better despite failing?
Ego...
She dint call...
I dint call..
She dint call...
I dint call..
She dint call...
I dint call..
She dint call...
I dint call..
She dint call.
I dint call...
Where the hell has love gone??
I dint call..
She dint call...
I dint call..
She dint call...
I dint call..
She dint call...
I dint call..
She dint call.
I dint call...
Where the hell has love gone??
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Mustaches
I'd always wonder, was it really necessary for the defense personnel and policemen... to keep mustaches!!...
My father had it... His friends in defence had it... Men out of service had it too...
My father had it... His friends in defence had it... Men out of service had it too...
Choices...
One left a void in her, the other filled it up...
It didn't matter much to her if each of them were after the other's blood... as long as they didn't lay hands on each other...
All she knew was she loved the both of them ... And she didn't want the either of them to be hurt... Not in any way...
It didn't matter much to her if each of them were after the other's blood... as long as they didn't lay hands on each other...
All she knew was she loved the both of them ... And she didn't want the either of them to be hurt... Not in any way...
Feelings are like butterflies...
Overexcited, overwhelmed ...
In fact, these words exactly cannot describe the addictive, seductional outburst I keep getting from between my ribs...
In fact, these words exactly cannot describe the addictive, seductional outburst I keep getting from between my ribs...
Her...
When he lifted the cold bottle up from the table.. it'd left a clear circle of water...
He trailed his finger along 'n' traced it out...
Her name.. his passion... his love!!!
He trailed his finger along 'n' traced it out...
Her name.. his passion... his love!!!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Him. The orphan.
He was born and brought up in Kerala. Actually adopted (when he was still a little baby, when his parents died...They said his biological parents were in Kerela while he was born...)
His parents now were both strict, possessive and loving ones.. (as every parents are supposed to be...)
When his original parents died, he does not remember who they were... he had never known them enough... to remember... But he surely knows for a fact that the parents he now had, were not related to him by blood...
But this never stopped him from loving them as his own... He was just so happy with them being loved, cared and even punished...
His parents now were both strict, possessive and loving ones.. (as every parents are supposed to be...)
When his original parents died, he does not remember who they were... he had never known them enough... to remember... But he surely knows for a fact that the parents he now had, were not related to him by blood...
But this never stopped him from loving them as his own... He was just so happy with them being loved, cared and even punished...
My mate...
Let my mate be soothing to my eyes, ears and to my heart exactly as said in the holy book.
Pseudos...
I don't feel like thanking any of 'em who never did a thing for me... And yet, make it known, they did.
Them. Those pseudos! Them. The crack pots!!
Them. Those pseudos! Them. The crack pots!!
My gift. My lost love.
When finally I'd receive my medal, it'll be from a junk dealer... as a thoroughly rejected second hand stuff.... when it'd have had lost its lusture... be just another piece of junk..
Maybe it'll still have a place in my heart...
Maybe I'll still place it on my mentleshelf.... along with the other curios and artifacts... and antiques...
As reminder of a paradise I never gained... as remainder of a dream I once had... and as... I dont know what else... To console me, myself....that it was mine afterall... and it still meant a lot to me!!
Maybe it'll still have a place in my heart...
Maybe I'll still place it on my mentleshelf.... along with the other curios and artifacts... and antiques...
As reminder of a paradise I never gained... as remainder of a dream I once had... and as... I dont know what else... To console me, myself....that it was mine afterall... and it still meant a lot to me!!
My biological father..
My father...
With all the flaws and pluses, he is still the one I would want to call 'father'. And believe in too... I mean, if out of the blue I get to know... that my biological father isn't him, I still wouldn't want another person as my father...
I love him... and hate him ....for all that he is...and he is not....
Not because he has officially been married to my mother... Not because he is the reason why my mother got pregnant and gave birth to me... Not because I have the liberty of using his name as my surname..
But 'coz he is the one my mind believes in. And my heart recognises. To me, he is the greatest man on the earth. For all the happiness and pain that he gave me in my growing years, I can never thank him enough ... Maybe the fact, I haven't known (as probably I have known my father) my mother well enough has something to do with it...
Once a character in a film that I saw had a doubt (about the actual reason of her birth)... was it out of love or were they only fulfilling their body needs... I never had any such doubt... I don't know why but I never considered that side of the story...
I'm only thankful to him that I'm here... alive and happy kicking...!
With all the flaws and pluses, he is still the one I would want to call 'father'. And believe in too... I mean, if out of the blue I get to know... that my biological father isn't him, I still wouldn't want another person as my father...
I love him... and hate him ....for all that he is...and he is not....
Not because he has officially been married to my mother... Not because he is the reason why my mother got pregnant and gave birth to me... Not because I have the liberty of using his name as my surname..
But 'coz he is the one my mind believes in. And my heart recognises. To me, he is the greatest man on the earth. For all the happiness and pain that he gave me in my growing years, I can never thank him enough ... Maybe the fact, I haven't known (as probably I have known my father) my mother well enough has something to do with it...
Once a character in a film that I saw had a doubt (about the actual reason of her birth)... was it out of love or were they only fulfilling their body needs... I never had any such doubt... I don't know why but I never considered that side of the story...
I'm only thankful to him that I'm here... alive and happy kicking...!
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Am I doing it for the sake of it??
Am I attempting at blogging just for the sake of it...?? I am not quite sure about it...
Street dwellers...
They beg.
They eat rotten food.
They sleep at traffic signals.
They have sex in the open.
Whatever means 'future' to them..??
Do they ever think??
Do they ever dream??
But then they seem all contented...
Am I being myopic?? Or is there more to it than meets the eye??
They eat rotten food.
They sleep at traffic signals.
They have sex in the open.
Whatever means 'future' to them..??
Do they ever think??
Do they ever dream??
But then they seem all contented...
Am I being myopic?? Or is there more to it than meets the eye??
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
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