On being a writer.

Off course, I like to write. But a writer is not what I want myself to be known as ultimately.

A film maker, who has beautiful, touching and thought provoking stories to tell, that’s how I want myself to be known as. But God, sometimes work in the queerest way. Whenever I selflessly work towards my goal, braving all the odds, fate (God’s ways) push me towards a completely opposite direction – tempting me offering a glimpse of a quicker route to heaven – almost every time with yet another tempting job offer that requires me to write.

It happened in 2007, when I was about to give up my career in advertising, having stepped into movies, as an assistant director. It’s happened time and again ever since. Bringing me lucrative job offers, both in India and abroad. Almost every time when I was cash strapped.

Writing has always stayed with me. And it is the only thing that has kept me floating. I don’t think I can run away from it anymore. I think I should stop. May be I should plan something really big with writing. That would actually get me known as a writer. A book perhaps. And publish it too.

On temptations.

Temptations are but natural. Be it in any kind of relation, one always encounters it at one point or the other. Just because there is a new means of excitement opens up before you, it doesn’t really mean infidelity is the next logical step.

It is up to us whether to accept signals that may or may not come our way. Or, rather send it to a potential receiver. It’s easy to indulge citing totally humane reasons such as a weak heart, or lack of will power. But is that really very difficult to resist them?

Each one of us has a private space we keep to ourselves, come what may. Keep it there, unknown to rest of the world, known only to perhaps the object of your admiration, feel good about ourselves, once in a while. As a sweet memory. Best way to indulge. Without any complications. Whatsoever.

I am not preaching here. Nor am I trying to prove that I have the will power. But whenever I hear someone talking about what’s wrong with a tiny bit of indulgence, I only think how different could we be then from animals?

On being happy in life.

Sometimes I ask myself, what am I working towards? A great career? Or, an identity of my own? Or, to have a great life ultimately?

In the normal case, it starts with having a job. A dream job actually, where you seriously do not feel that you are really working. It is something that comes to you naturally. And not something that you toil for.

When you have such a job, you obviously are comfortable and happy working. Such work always gives you a great career. In other words, pays you well within its limit. Because you obviously are good at what someone hires you for. So that in turn shows in your performance.

Performing consistently well at your job when you are pleased with the returns, makes it a great career. This in turn creates an identity of your own. Since you come to be known for what you do. It’s something that people start identifying you with.  

So now that you have a great career that brings you all the perks that you wished for in life. All the comforts or relaxation of some kind money can buy. The kind that allows you to start taking life on a slower note while being at the career. Or, take a break in the career and take some rest, doing nothing. Related to work, that is. Or, you have the third option. You work at the same pace till you have a smooth functioning body and soul, then retire when your body and soul can’t take it anymore.

A great happy life is still a long way to go.

It actually means you are able to sit back on an easy chair by the window that overlooks a beautiful flower garden during the day time with a book in your hand, sipping sweet, lukewarm black coffee and a rickety ceiling fan over your head throws in enough air to keep you comfortable. And when someone very dear to you gently comes to whisper in your ears, ‘meal’s ready’, before you can doze off enjoying the cool late-in-the-afternoon breeze. If you are lucky enough to be successful in your younger days to ‘earn and save’ - after meeting all the life’s expenses – then my friend you have what could be a great life.

But then again it brings us back to where we started – how could it be great life, when your youth is all wasted in the pursuit of the so-called happiness in life? You actually missed out on a lot of things that could have kept you happy in your youth while taking the chance to earn and save big.

As I now sit on my heavily cushioned cane recliner, with my 9 months old baby daughter sleeping peacefully in my lap, a book in my hand and cup of sweet and hot cup of black coffee, under the ceiling fan that’s keeping my daughter comfortable enough in the warm weather outside, what more do I need in life. A successful, happy and peaceful retired life seems to me like a stupid old concept, in fact. 

On being old.

When people grow older, they start waking up earlier than before. And then complain about a long tiring day. The fact is they mostly are lonely. And have nothing to do. So they have one more long lonely day ahead of them everyday.

Am I complaining? I don't know.

Survival. Of a household.

It is the same like in every other middle class family, where the parents worked – hard – in order to make both the ends meet, to pay for everything from the monthly bills, to education of the kids, to save for the future to give both themselves, and their kids a better-than-today tomorrow.

And in addition to all these essentials, like any other typical middle class family, they also had to maintain the status of an upper middle class life and show that living-beyond-their means is actually within their means. Thus, taking upon themselves the additional responsibility of upgrading themselves from a two-wheeler to a car, upgrading themselves from their old color TV to the latest LED in the market (wide enough to the cover the entire wall of the living room), washing machine that even dried to reduce the burden on the wife, refrigerator to accommodate as many people as in a marriage party, an air-conditioner to keep the flaring tempers down, sofa set that cost more than the entire household furniture put-together, and more importantly, by-passing all the interests and talents – natural born and developed ones’ (which they nourished in the first place) – of their children, and force-enrolling them into medical colleges or engineering colleges in order to brag before their colleagues’. The expenses of which has to come from bank loans (and that getting an education loan is viewed at par with getting a scholarship is a different story altogether).

As if these were not all, they also have to fulfill their long term goal - to get themselves a home of their own - despite the fact that there is a home awaiting each of the spouse, by means of inheritance, which off course neither ones will be interested in (as it lies in some far-off rural area, away from their place of work).

My parents belonged there. And I - a brand new parent, myself - am on my way. Despite being a rebel all my life trying to prove my parents wrong. 

Paranjsothy - Chennai Dairy 6

An IPL Cinemas Production * N. Lakshmanan presents * Paranjsothy * Story, Screenplay, Dialogues, Direction * Gopu Balaji * Producer * N. Lakshmanan, N. Gopalakrishnan, N. Tamilselvan, N. Manikandan * Co-Producers * N. Gopalakrishnan, N. Tamilselvan, N. Manikandan * Co-Directors * M. Sheriff, P.K. Raja, Selvam * Music * Sabesh-Murali * Cinematography * S. Chandrashekhar, D.F.T * Editing * Sudha * Art Direction * Vinod * Action * Speed Sayed * Costumes * M. Sreenivasalu * Make-Up * L.V. Raja * P.R.O. * Govindraj * Production Manager * A.R. Chandra Mohan * Design Studio * Mithra Media * Cast * Sarathy, Ansiba, Ganja Karuppu, Bose Venkat, Shakeela

Paranjsothy - Chennai Dairy 5

Shooting begins tomorrow, Monday, 15th July, 2013 at Chidambaram, Tamil Nadu.

Paranjsothy - Chennai Diary 4

After all the location hiccups, fund blocks, date hassles, the project, 'Paranjyothy' is all set to roll. Shooting to start tentatively by July 15th, 2013. Will be back with more reports. Expecting prayers and blessings from all of you ..

'Ammukutty'

A blog post dated - 23rd December, 2012. 

At 6.27 p.m., a day earlier, my daughter, Ammu (Aditi Sreejit) was born to Prazi and me. And the purpose of this very life changed. Completely! - A fact quite evident from how long it took me to post what I had written then.

"Thank God. For that first cry.

She had her eyes closed. As the nurse held her out before us. Her little lower lip curled up. And came out the most heart-wrenching cry. I melted down in my shoes.

She was no longer a part of her mother’s body. But a different life altogether. And I never felt so happy and so pained at the same time, as when I listened to her cry for the first time. God, she looked so delicate.

There she was. A heavenly bundle of joy. Gift wrapped. With a promise of hope. And happiness."