Kochi to Doha

It’s as exciting as the first touch of a foreign flesh on your lips. Or better still, like the sex you have for the very first time. Confusing, yet so much exciting. Being a first timer on a foreign land, that is.

And fact is, I’m loving it! All of it!!

3 pm. OMG! I should be starting now.

We are still at the Palarivattom Web World, arguing over the address change issue with the guy at the counter.

Sir, sir, sir…. Why don’t we keep our voice a little lower??

3.15 pm. There we are. Wading through all the traaaffic!

Achan’s fuming. As we drive in. I sport a sheepish grin and let myself in. Subhash chettan stays back to explain. I dash into the kitchen to finish off my Maggi Noodles.

And we are driving all over again. This time to Airport.

3.20 pm. Irony. Of life?!

Achan, my Dad, moves to the centre as Gopi uncle let himself in. and wow, what’s this? Dad sharing the seat with his both brother-in-laws on the either side??!

4 pm. Its good bye. For a pretty long time from now.

‘Sorry Sir, only passengers are allowed in.’ … And I walk in without looking back even once.

As I take a step back at the entrance, I find my dad standing right behind me… He had followed me all the way in!

He holds my hand and stares at me.

And I don’t believe this!! My daddy strongest….. Why is he crying?

And my brother. He hugged me. And my father. He hugged me. Tiiiightly….

4.15 pm. Last Indian Rupee. First Qatar Riyal.

Money exchange at Cochin International Airport. I get 5, 100 Riyals, 1, 50 Riyals, 3, 10 Riyals and 3, 1 Riyals for all the money I have. I’m stinking rich. More stinking than rich. I am sweating all over. Owing to all the excitement that I have been through.

4.20 pm. Weight check.

Do you really want to carry all that luggage?? Why’s an idiot like the guy at the counter asking a stupid question like this?

That’s 4 kgs extra. But you need to pay for only 3 kgs….

So that’s 1200 in Indian Rupees at Rupees 400 per kg for all the (Bipin’s) meat I’m carrying.

4.30 pm. Emigration check.

Visiting someone?? Is there someone??

Yup, friends…

Is it your first time? What’s your work like? Staying in Cochin?

I have an ad agency here in Cochin... That’s our permanent address. We are like settled in Trivandrum.

Thanks!

4.40 pm. Waiting Room (or, is it hall??) CIAL.

Has it all finished?? Did I miss something??

Gosh…!!! I dint say ‘goodbye’… I dint say it even once…

OMG!!

I need to make a call… I need to talk... I need to communicate... OMG! OMG!... Lemme call my dad...

Shit! Where’s the phone?? Where’s it..??

Why am I jumping over…? Why am I running around like a maniac...? Now what’s this in my pockets?? Oh... just my keys…

Someone’s coming for me at the airport... At Doha?!

I’m shivering. I’m feeling light.

Should I make a call?? Should I make a call??

My hands are cold. My feet is cold. My nose is running. My shirts has all come out.

Your smile’s such a relief. Love you sweetheart. And the child turned and smiled at me once again.

Ah.. Here’s an illiterate. And I’m filling up his immigration form?!

Should I write my name alone?? Or should I write my address too?? Should I write my husband’s name here? Or, just his name alone?? Aa.. Women..?!

Should I call??
Should I call??

I need to pee… I need to blow my nose… Hoo… I need to clean up..

Ah.. The toilet...

Gosh..! I look like shit…

Why’s my hand shaking??

So where's my privacy??

Mmm.. not baaddd!!
They’re all sitting..!
Are they all sleeping?
Are they thinking something??
Why’s this idiot looking at me??
Why’s that crack shouting over the phone??
Why’s that ass$*#@ bragging in Hindi??
What’s that girl doing with her glasses wearing a phone?? Did I see here cleavage??
God…! What was that ?? Are they going out on a picnic??

Ooh… is that a Somalian??
Noppee… it’s the airhostess… What’s really happening?? Aren’t the girls supposed to have tits and ass’??

Now there’s a cute little girl, cute like a cat.. Sipping with a straw from her brother’s cup…

Hey what’s on this ticket?? I’m discovering it all only now... Shit! Why didn’t I read my documents?? What am I doing? All set to fly off to a foreign land without trying to know anything about the place…

OMG! OMG!!

Ah.. There the phone’s free… Lemme call dad …

Acha, its me… Checking in and all, finished... Now I’m waiting... Flight’s only at 6.25… I’m waiting…

Now that’s a relief… hmmm…

It was 5. Now its 6.
(OMG!! Am I repeating myself bit too much??)

Ohhh.. Now who’s this?? Maaan… She’s hot…

Sitting next to her mom, she says, ‘ok, so you start’.

Huh?! Start...? What?!

She speaks like I’m already having sex with her!!!

Hey sexy.. cute hair style… and thighs!!

I wanna eat her alive… I wanna bite her lips…

Gosh!! Why did she smile?? It sucks!! She looks like a pig... Duh…! Eats like one too… Huh… How people change..?! With a smile...!

6.15 pm. It’s the time.

Finally... Inside the airbus… Ahh… That’s the pretty girl dressed up in white… She’s smiling as if I know her. ‘Welcome’, she says. I smile back.

I’m trying to figure out where to keep my luggage when this other pretty girl with a cute ass turns and open the luggage boot for me, ‘keep it here, sir’, forcing a smile on to her lips.

She looks at me like I’m covered all over with shit…. Such aa… pretty $#@&*!!!

6.30 pm. It’s moving!

Its shaking all over. OMG! Its moving!!

Why’ve they switched all lights off…?

Is it raining outside?? No?? Looks pretty damp anyway….

6.40 pm. It turns a U.

Its suddenly pulling meeee….. Ooooohhh!!!! Its risinggggg!!!!

I hold on to my armrests… Someone’s forcing me up…. up.. upP….aaand UPPP!!!

Two Airhostesses are dancing in sign language. Someone’s talking for them. In English. And in Hindi.

It’s tilted and still. Cochin looks... ookkk... from the top. And I’m on Cloud .... there are so many of them… cant count which…

Cochin already looks like a Google map.

Clouds are far below. Down. Under. It’s a faint bed of cotton wool.

Plane’s suddenly still.

‘….to Trivandrum…. 200 kms in 30 minutes….’, they say.

I need to pee… The toilet... And steel washbasin looks fine. Only I need to push my head in to blow my nose….

OMG!! It’s looking pretty bad. There’s a stick out there behind the pipe. Press it. Water’s sucked in. Water and all.

I’m light again. Someone below, I suppose, is feeling the rain on his face. Ha.

Flush, flush. Hey, what’s that…?! It looks and groans like it’ll suck me in.

Once outside. I find a very long queue. I guess, they all need to pee. And outside, its getting dark.

CRAASSHH….!

Gosh!!! What was that?? Are we really crashing?? And I haven’t even left the borders…!

‘It’s just a hard touch down’, says my co passenger, ‘It’s all in His hands’.
‘Whose?!!' … 'Oh God’s…?' 'I thought it was the pilot's.’

8.20 p.m. We are flying again.

They’re showing ‘Chandrolsavam’ without sound. I mean I can only hear the howling sound from the outside.

Here comes a girl selling headphones. How strange is that?? ‘Four Riyals for one…. And we are showing another movie after this…’, she says and moves on.

Huh.. why would I even bother to watch a flop movie for 4 Riyals?

They’re serving food. I hope they don’t ask me to pay for it.

A set of dull looking ‘free’ food packages are ‘arranged’ before me.

It’s going to be 3000 kms away from home. And I am not coming back tomorrow. And I suddenly miss my father.

I hope he is fine. I saw him crying, the last time I saw him. And I dint turn back to look at him even for once.

I don’t know. I wish I knew. I really wish I knew. But the truth is, I really don't know.

Actually I hope they are both fine. My only family. My brother and my father. I miss them both.

Goddd…!! Why’s my back paining? It’s worse than KSRTC here. All cramped.

Hey… Little Meenukutty wants to 'hear' the film. Her headphone isn’t working in her seat. Or, anywhere else for that matter. So that’s 4 Riyals down (or above?) the Arabian sea. She finally shares the seat with the man next to me. And after five minutes, she leaves. Bored.

11.40 pm. Approaching Doha.

It’s shaking time and again. They are ‘gutters’, I am told.

The pressure’s playing a different game. My ears are closing. And opening. And closing.

It’s shaking harder this time.

They are saying something. I can’t hear a thing.

OMG… My nerves’ bursting. My brains’ gonna pop out. I guess, its going down. Very fast. My ears are still stuck. Gosh… When’s it going to end?

11.52 p.m. Arabia.

Ah… City lights again.

So here’s the end of Arabian Sea. And beginning of Arabia(n) land.

City looks clearer. Why are the buildings outlined with lights? Do I suspect a strange neatness all over??

Aaand … we touched down?!

Why dint I feel it here unlike the noisy landing at Trivandrum??

11.58 p.m. Time to change time.

'It’s 9.27 p.m.', goes the announcement as we all gather ourselves to alight.

9.35 p.m. Emigration check.

‘Asalam walaykum….’ I give the heavily veiled lady at the counter.

‘Walaykum Asalam…’ She stamps my passport and returns it, without even looking up once...

I smile. People around me think I am mad.

Here comes my extra luggage on the belt. I pick up my suitcase and hang bag and look for a trolley. My co-passenger detaches a trolley from the train. I load our entire luggage on to that and push.

'Why’s it not moving?'.
'You got to push down this handle bar'. We move on.

Yet another scanning. And there it goes. And comes out.

We reload our stuff and move on.

9.50 p.m. Gafoor Ka Dost (Nadodikattu, the hit Malayalam classic *ing Mohanlal... anyone?) in Doha.

There’s a sea of faces at the exit. I search for my ‘Gafoor’. And I find not one but two.

There they are. Bipin and Prabhash. They are both there. Waving. Smiling.

We cross the exit door.

OMG! What’s this? Both of them resemble blown up balloons. What’s happening?! Are they preparing for WWF??

Bipin comes forward and hugs me tighhhttt!! Uppaa… I’m getting crushed you idiot! Prabhash, shakes hands, as always. ‘Welcome to Doha’, he says.

I introduce my co-passenger to them. Hi.. ok… bye… shit! Where’s he? I forgot to get his number. So there I lost touch with a kind native soul in a foreign land.

Anyways, we move on.

‘This is Anish…’
‘Hi…’

Walking over to the parking lot we reach our Toyota Pick Up. We throw all my boxes into the boot and so…

‘It’s so good to see you … btw what’re you guys eating these days?? Iron??’
'It's the food here.'
‘And where's your Honda Civic…?!’ I ask Prabhash to which he points out to a car parked very near to us.
‘Oh really?! That’s the one?’… No, but it looks exactly the same!
Guys…?! Why are we standing outside in this furnace??
‘Ok then. See you tomorrow’. Prabhash leaves for the night. And rest of us get inside our pick-up. Switch on the A/C.
‘Eda ... I’ll sit in the front. I wanna do some sightseeing’. We switch seats. Bipin and I.

We leave the airport at 11.00 p.m. Qatar time. And that’s a whole one and a half hour since my arrival.

Anish takes the wheel. And we are off.

11.05 p.m. Doha.

We stop at a traffic signal. I find the road empty and encourage Anish to drive on. He looks at me with this shit-scared look on his face, which changes to a sheepish grin as his gaze travel beyond me. I turn to see what he sees.

OOOoooohhh! Two yummy looking Chineese girls pulled up besides our pick-up.

Man…. What boobs…!! All of us wish.... To squeeeeezze them. There isn’t a shooting star anywhere in the vicinity to make our wish come true, though.

11.13 p.m. Among the city lights.

You had anything on board?

Nope. Just coffee. And a sandwich. And…. Nothing else.
Hungry?
No…. What a stupid question!!! Off course I am …. Why you guys had dinner??
Yea, we did.
Ok… Let’s buy something from outside and go.

I try calling home from Bipin’s phone. ‘All routes are busy’ followed by the same (I hope!) in Arabic.

We arrive at our villa. ‘You’ll be put up here for a month… then they’ll arrange another accommodation for you, nearer to your office’. We switch on the A/C in the room. It’s almost 12 p.m.

I try calling home, again. Busy still.

We sit down and talk, late into the night, until Bipin retires, ‘Better catch some sleep while its still night’.

I venture out, for a little while, just for the sake of it. Hooo… it’s a bloody furnace out there in the middle of the night…!

I finally send an sms to my Dad… ‘Reached here safely. Will call tomorrow.’

7.00 a.m. The first day in Doha. Technically.

We get into one of the cars. And arrive at Gem. Bipin’s place. And several minutes later, we arrive at Advent. My new place.

Introductions start. ‘Sreejit Swamy?! Weren’t you at Stark in between??

Someone’s heard talking outside as we wait in Ravi’s room. ‘Ravi’s here’, says Bipin.

So we meet again. How did it all go??

11.00 a.m. Advent World Wide.

I show (off) my portfolio to Ravi. And Thank God…. It’s working!

Of all the DVDs I sent earlier, none worked! So they are practically seeing my works for the first time. OMG! Why’s my nose still running?! I excuse myself.

‘Where’s the gents toilet?’, I ask Irene whom I met earlier.
With both her hands she points towards the door, ‘outside’.
‘Left’, as I open the door.

I open the tap and wash my face. And as I blow my nose, I find blood.

So, my nerves did burst out. And it was like first time sex, after all!