As she turns two...

Since the last two years, life's been beyond my expectations. Wallets have made a habit of staying empty. Clothes remain constantly shabby. Walls are full of crayon marks. Paper bits are everywhere on the floor. Can't find anything where they are supposed to be, especially the scissors. Can't leave the cupboards open. Can't use the toilets with the doors closed. Can't walk around the house without stepping on toys. Can't leave the pipelines open and switchboards unattended. Can't leave for work in the morning without a-kilometre-round-joy-ride. Can't return from work without buying 'special' gifts, even then bags, pockets and purses are checked for anything ‘curious’. Can’t use laptop or phone without being constantly interrupted. 

Like I said, life’s never been more exciting. And I’ve never been happier. My little princess just turned 2, two days back!!

Today, I have no regrets. Past is all forgotten. Future looks extremely hopeful. And my destiny is, thankfully, no longer my own.

Thanks for the spark, Chetan!

Sooner or later. Or someday, I had to write. At least begin writing. Almost like my life depended on it. As if I had no other options but to write. And I have to mention Chetan Bhagat. The main reason why I thought I’d give writing a shot. I mean, he is so effortless. When you read him, it looks like even I can write. Some inspiring people.

If I meet him one day (if ever I get an opportunity to meet him, that is) I’ll walk up to him and say, ‘Sir, you are the foremost reason why I finally started writing. I mean I have been contemplating to write since many years. But like they say the immediate reason for the initiation of the First World War was the assassination of the Prince of or Second World War was the attack on Poland, mine was because I happened to read one of your books out of the blue. Suddenly. Just like that.’

I am not going to comment on the quality of his writings. No sir. I mean, anyone could be a critic. It’s so easy to sound intelligent at someone else’s expense. To me, he is the man who coxed the writer in me. To draw the chair. Sit. Put the pen to the paper. And write. And thanks to him, I have completed my first movie script. 

Efforts are on. It may or may not make it to the silver screen. But even if it doesn't I’d still be thankful to him.

Next target – to be a published author.

Yes, I have made up my mind to be India’s most loved writer too. May be a little less loved than Chetan Bhagat. But to be loved, still. Thanks Chetan Bhagat. For that little spark you ignited in me.

A 2-Second Hug

Ammukutty, my daughter's hug lasts for 2 seconds sharp. After which she pulls away to run towards her mother. In my opinion, duration of their hug lasts longer. Not that I get jealous, the point here is, I haven't been to paradise. But I don't think it would be prettier than my Ammoosee's 2-second hug.. :)

What an average Indian citizen want from its government

As ordinary citizens, all we ask for is 

1. A strong control over inflation
2. Prevention of corruption at all levels
3. Food safety for one and all
4. Highly safe country for all its inhabitants
5. Stricter laws to ensure safety for women, especially anti-rape laws
6. Clean drinking water for all citizens
7. Advanced, affordable and accessible healthcare facilities for all citizens of the country
8. Free and ‘qualitative’ education for all - at least up to high school level
9. Better employment opportunities for the youth by fostering and nurturing entrepreneurship
10. Highly advanced common infrastructure
11. Sound and long-lasting roads
12. Highly sound waste management facilities
13. Well laid-out and maintained drainage systems
14. Uninterrupted power supply
15. Justice for all in its true sense of the word. 

And on our part, as responsible citizens of India, we are ready to 

1. Stay loyal to our country
2. Work harder in the professions of our choice – while staying within the law, being responsible for our actions, and making good money through rightful and fair means (working hard on being innovative and creative)
3. Pay taxes
4. Follow the rules and obey the laws
5. Co-operate with the public officials in the discharge of their duties
6. Stop getting corrupted or influencing others to be corrupted
7. Resist injustice from any quarter responsibly
8. Vote - if necessary (personally, I don’t mind being ruled by a dictator or a king or an elected leader as long as all the needs are taken care of)
9. Contribute to the development of society around us and towards the progress of our country using the individual capabilities of each one of us. 

I seriously and positively hope good things will happen in 2014 and in the years to come. As in, I seriously and positively hope for it to happen!!!

On being a writer.

Off course, I like to write. But a writer is not what I want myself to be known as ultimately.

A film maker, who has beautiful, touching and thought provoking stories to tell, that’s how I want myself to be known as. But God, sometimes work in the queerest way. Whenever I selflessly work towards my goal, braving all the odds, fate (God’s ways) push me towards a completely opposite direction – tempting me offering a glimpse of a quicker route to heaven – almost every time with yet another tempting job offer that requires me to write.

It happened in 2007, when I was about to give up my career in advertising, having stepped into movies, as an assistant director. It’s happened time and again ever since. Bringing me lucrative job offers, both in India and abroad. Almost every time when I was cash strapped.

Writing has always stayed with me. And it is the only thing that has kept me floating. I don’t think I can run away from it anymore. I think I should stop. May be I should plan something really big with writing. That would actually get me known as a writer. A book perhaps. And publish it too.

On temptations.

Temptations are but natural. Be it in any kind of relation, one always encounters it at one point or the other. Just because there is a new means of excitement opens up before you, it doesn’t really mean infidelity is the next logical step.

It is up to us whether to accept signals that may or may not come our way. Or, rather send it to a potential receiver. It’s easy to indulge citing totally humane reasons such as a weak heart, or lack of will power. But is that really very difficult to resist them?

Each one of us has a private space we keep to ourselves, come what may. Keep it there, unknown to rest of the world, known only to perhaps the object of your admiration, feel good about ourselves, once in a while. As a sweet memory. Best way to indulge. Without any complications. Whatsoever.

I am not preaching here. Nor am I trying to prove that I have the will power. But whenever I hear someone talking about what’s wrong with a tiny bit of indulgence, I only think how different could we be then from animals?

On being happy in life.

Sometimes I ask myself, what am I working towards? A great career? Or, an identity of my own? Or, to have a great life ultimately?

In the normal case, it starts with having a job. A dream job actually, where you seriously do not feel that you are really working. It is something that comes to you naturally. And not something that you toil for.

When you have such a job, you obviously are comfortable and happy working. Such work always gives you a great career. In other words, pays you well within its limit. Because you obviously are good at what someone hires you for. So that in turn shows in your performance.

Performing consistently well at your job when you are pleased with the returns, makes it a great career. This in turn creates an identity of your own. Since you come to be known for what you do. It’s something that people start identifying you with.  

So now that you have a great career that brings you all the perks that you wished for in life. All the comforts or relaxation of some kind money can buy. The kind that allows you to start taking life on a slower note while being at the career. Or, take a break in the career and take some rest, doing nothing. Related to work, that is. Or, you have the third option. You work at the same pace till you have a smooth functioning body and soul, then retire when your body and soul can’t take it anymore.

A great happy life is still a long way to go.

It actually means you are able to sit back on an easy chair by the window that overlooks a beautiful flower garden during the day time with a book in your hand, sipping sweet, lukewarm black coffee and a rickety ceiling fan over your head throws in enough air to keep you comfortable. And when someone very dear to you gently comes to whisper in your ears, ‘meal’s ready’, before you can doze off enjoying the cool late-in-the-afternoon breeze. If you are lucky enough to be successful in your younger days to ‘earn and save’ - after meeting all the life’s expenses – then my friend you have what could be a great life.

But then again it brings us back to where we started – how could it be great life, when your youth is all wasted in the pursuit of the so-called happiness in life? You actually missed out on a lot of things that could have kept you happy in your youth while taking the chance to earn and save big.

As I now sit on my heavily cushioned cane recliner, with my 9 months old baby daughter sleeping peacefully in my lap, a book in my hand and cup of sweet and hot cup of black coffee, under the ceiling fan that’s keeping my daughter comfortable enough in the warm weather outside, what more do I need in life. A successful, happy and peaceful retired life seems to me like a stupid old concept, in fact. 

On being old.

When people grow older, they start waking up earlier than before. And then complain about a long tiring day. The fact is they mostly are lonely. And have nothing to do. So they have one more long lonely day ahead of them everyday.

Am I complaining? I don't know.

Paranjsothy - Chennai Dairy 6

An IPL Cinemas Production * N. Lakshmanan presents * Paranjsothy * Story, Screenplay, Dialogues, Direction * Gopu Balaji * Producer * N. Lakshmanan, N. Gopalakrishnan, N. Tamilselvan, N. Manikandan * Co-Producers * N. Gopalakrishnan, N. Tamilselvan, N. Manikandan * Co-Directors * M. Sheriff, P.K. Raja, Selvam * Music * Sabesh-Murali * Cinematography * S. Chandrashekhar, D.F.T * Editing * Sudha * Art Direction * Vinod * Action * Speed Sayed * Costumes * M. Sreenivasalu * Make-Up * L.V. Raja * P.R.O. * Govindraj * Production Manager * A.R. Chandra Mohan * Design Studio * Mithra Media * Cast * Sarathy, Ansiba, Ganja Karuppu, Bose Venkat, Shakeela

Paranjsothy - Chennai Dairy 5

Shooting begins tomorrow, Monday, 15th July, 2013 at Chidambaram, Tamil Nadu.

Paranjsothy - Chennai Diary 4

After all the location hiccups, fund blocks, date hassles, the project, 'Paranjyothy' is all set to roll. Shooting to start tentatively by July 15th, 2013. Will be back with more reports. Expecting prayers and blessings from all of you ..

'Ammukutty'

A blog post dated - 23rd December, 2012. 

At 6.27 p.m., a day earlier, my daughter, Ammu (Aditi Sreejit) was born to Prazi and me. And the purpose of this very life changed. Completely! - A fact quite evident from how long it took me to post what I had written then.

"Thank God. For that first cry.

She had her eyes closed. As the nurse held her out before us. Her little lower lip curled up. And came out the most heart-wrenching cry. I melted down in my shoes.

She was no longer a part of her mother’s body. But a different life altogether. And I never felt so happy and so pained at the same time, as when I listened to her cry for the first time. God, she looked so delicate.

There she was. A heavenly bundle of joy. Gift wrapped. With a promise of hope. And happiness."

On being sane...

If someone calls me a kid. I don’t get offended any more. To me it only serves a gentle reminder. I am still sane. I am 33. Going on 34. To-be-dad for the first time in my life. A son. A brother. A husband. A human being. And sane. 

Paranjsothy - Chennai Diary 3

If you think finding a girl to marry is the most difficult thing, then take it from me, finding the right girl to act in your movie is far more difficult. I’ve had the most tiring experience doing so. Contrary to the popular belief that there are thousands of girls dying to get a chance to act in movies, the actual fact is that not even a single one from this thousand suits ‘all’ the conditions set by your project.

She should look convincing enough for the role, besides being an eye candy. Then in case of a story such as that of ‘Paranjsothy’, the girl not only has to look pretty, but has to have that tenderness, that would make someone want to protect them. A subtle level of sensuousness needs to be there too. Because of the intensity of love in the story.

Now that’s just about how she looks, but that's not all. The girl still has to ‘perform’ in front of the camera. For that the right attitude has to be there. It could be taught. But that would be a highly expensive proposition.

The fee factor - most important of all factors - comes at the very end. Because each artist has to fit into the set budget. Any variation to the set budget could affect the overall equilibrium of the project.

Some of the girls that attended the auditions we conducted were outright funny. Tell them to smile. And they would twist their lips to a neat ‘O’. Tell them to look into the camera. And they would point their chin towards the camera and strain their vision to bypass their nose and finally reach the camera. Ask to them imagine like a girl who has just been proposed to and is expected to give a positive reply. They would pretend having got proposals from at least a thousand young lovelorn young men – given their looks, and finally giving a blank stare at the camera – I also love you. A shake with the head – meaning affirmative – the character she is supposed to speak to, followed by a sheepish grin – to the crew members who are left wondering why they even plan to make a movie in the first place.

Then there are others. The experienced lot – usually one under-production film old - whom we would like to consider for the role as a second option. Second option, because we aren’t getting what we exactly wanted. These girls would audition for the role along with a sales presentation of their talents, and when we call them up to confirm their schedules, they give some of the lamest excuse to back out. The movie requires some intense scenes - I can’t do that. Or, I have committed to another project during the same time – I don’t have the dates available. Or, I don’t know the language – arre! If these were their excuses, why the hell they come to the auditions in the first place? I mean, our very invitation that we mailed to each of them had all the answers to these excuses.

God, help us. Please.

Paranjsothy - Chennai Diary 2

Secret to ones happiness is to realize the goal and to experience the world’s wonders while never forgetting your family, or your loved ones. I have a woman in my life. And together with her, I am expecting the arrival of our baby.

In fact, I was at a point in my life where I was about to give up all my dreams. Since I was, no longer, the carefree, single guy with the luxury of staying focused to the goal, on a mission to fulfill my so-called destiny. Because all of a sudden, I had a family to look after.  

But like the great master Mr. Coelho mentions, ‘when people forget about their real purpose in life and start moving along the beaten track, a mysterious force usually appears before them to wake them up and to put them back on to the track all over again. In my case, the force happened to be my friends. New ones, I made along my way, and the old. Like it happened to me this time. And can I ever discount the role my very own father had played in shaping my destiny – I mean, every time he objected  to something I really wanted, I went for it double strong. In fact, my being in the cinema itself was winning the biggest battle with him.

It all began a week before the Easter of 2012. Prazi and me were about four or five months into our marriage and hadn’t taken a proper break as yet. Like we always wanted. And Easter holidays meant at least a three day break for her from work. That’s when I coaxed Bibin to let me be away from ‘the adcompani’ and called up Laxman about our visit to his place. 

The trip was pleasant. Six hours straight from Kochi in the Maruthi 800 borrowed from my brother. I loved the drive. Prazi seemed happy too. We saw places we had only seen in movies. Like Walayar Check Post. And Coimbatore. And the family of monkeys on the way. And the newly built highway that stretched between Coimbatore and Salem. And the umpteen number of engineering colleges along the route, but not even a single little tea shop. Prazi took a special interest in reading all the signs in green, along the way. Regularly telling me how many more kilometers to cover. How many more hours to go at the speed we maintained. Warning me time and again to reduce speed as cautioned by the road safety boards.

Laxman kept calling us, enquiring about our safety at regular intervals. And by the time we reached Erode, it was late in the afternoon. 

I met his kids for the first time there. I had only seen them in pictures before. Just as tired we were, both Kishore and Karthi, were as energetic. They made our tiredness vanish just like that. Both of them took an instant liking to Prazi, who couldn’t make out even one word they spoke. But what the heck, neither could either of them. And being kids, they would happily declare, ‘neenga enna pesharuthennu puriyiliye’. Poor Prazi, all she could do was to blush. Thankfully, Uma always came to Prazi’s rescue, translating and coordinating the three of them. 

It was on the next day, when all of us had planned to drive to ‘Ooty', the nearest hill-station, when Laxman casually mentioned that he wanted me to meet a couple of friends of his. From the Tamil film industry, who had a story to tell. 

We had the meeting at a resort-turned-country club near to where he lived. Gopu Balaji, the writer-director, began his 3 hour long narration dramatizing most of the sequences with wide shots, mid shots, tracks shots, close ups, and sound effects, which in fact, left us with the feeling of having watched a full length movie of the same duration.  

Towards the end of it, as we dropped them at the city centre and drove back, Laxman asked me my opinion about the story. Even though I felt confident about Gopu’s abilities as a director, and more importantly, as a story teller, I pushed the ball back to his court since it was his money at stake - so ultimately it had to be his own decision. There was a gigantic risk associated to it. There’s would be no plan B to it, in case it fails.

And when we parted from Ooty the next day, I didn’t have the slightest idea that he would call me out of the blue about three months later and come down to Kochi to give me the shock of my life. He was taking up the project despite my cautioning. 

He grinned sheepishly and said, ‘I sold a portion of my land to raise the money,’ when he met me at the railway station where I had gone to receive him. He had come to Kochi to ask me to be part of his project as the executive producer. I was given a week’s time to wrap up my responsibilities in Kochi and join them at the earliest possible date. 

Even though the proposal sounded good to me, I was shit scared. I still am. 

I'm here. And there is no Prazi by my side to tell me, ‘you’ll be fine eta’. God, I miss her. The doctor had strictly ordered bed rest for her till the delivery in December. I wish the child be born after Christmas. Capricorns make great directors. Not that I have decided the career of my unborn child. It’s just a passing thought. And yesterday when I called her at night, over the phone all I could hear was her sobs. Poor girl. I couldn’t even hug her to comfort her.

As of now, a thousand hurdles need to be crossed. Finding the leading lady is foremost of all. The 'Paranjysothy' team wanted a girl from Kerala. The responsibility was on me to find the right one. But I don’t really understand what it is with the girls in Kerala that Tamil film industry continually prefers them. I mean every other Tamil movie features a Malayalee girl in the lead role. No offence, though, to any of the Malayalee girls. They are all beautiful. But then question is - aren’t there enough pretty girls in Tamil Nadu?

And despite the auditions we had at Kochi and later at Chennai, the results weren’t quite encouraging. The girls, that we sort of zeroed in walked out on us, citing lame excuses. Why the hell did they audition for the role in the first place anyways? OMG... The perfect heroine, where art thou?

Something to think about...

Nature doesn’t care if you are rich or poor. Single or married. Committed or sleeping around. On its part, it does what it does best. Providing for all of us to fuel our passions. And emotions. And everything that’s in between. To cut the long boring discussion short. It doesn’t really hurt to plant trees. Ok, not if it’s even just one. Not at least once in your entire lifetime. And let’s be thankful for the air we breathe and water we drink and all the other things that we haven’t thought much about. Like say, the life that we live.

Paranjsothy - Chennai Dairy 1

Its been almost two years since I came back from London.

And this is the second time something I really wanted is actually happening in my life - that too within the very short span of just about six months time! First it happened in last November, when I got married to the love of my life. And now, I'm joining as one of the key members of the team in Chennai, out there to make - 'Paranjysothy' (with an 's' to sound more Tamilish - 'jysothy' instead of 'jyothy') - my friend Laxman's maiden production venture, to be directed by Gopu Balaji. The movie is planned to be released during Pongal in January.

My wife and me are expecting our first baby in December. I might not be home with Prazi during our very first Onam since marriage. My dad has broken his silence, at least with me. Since Subhash chettan is also busy with script writing for Pramod G Gopal's malayalam film Edison's Photos, due for release in December, the entire burden is on Bibin, to look after 'the adcompani' at Kochi. Now that the adcompani is taking up designing works for films like 'Breaking News Live', 'Bubbles' among others, my mind is full of mixed reactions. Am I missing Kochi a bit too much?!

Meanwhile, Nidheesh's film's is signing in a new writer - Kalavoor Ravikumar, of 'Istam' and 'Nammal' fame will now be handling the scripting job for the story by Director Shafi. The work will start  once Shafikka's '101 Weddings' wraps up soon after Onam. Due in December too.

These days, when I look at things around me, I really feel the divine presence everywhere. Why just yesterday Vicky, our very dear friend from Punjab called with a great news - he has cleared his IAS prilims, now preparing even harder for his mains.

On the way to Chennai, I met these two gentlemen who spoke really high about the movies. In fact, one of them, Nobin Varghese, is a busy associate director from the Malayalam film industry, having assisted directors like Kamal, Amal Neerad, Anwar Rasheed etc. He was on his way to confirm the dates of one of the popular stars from our industry who had promised to be part of Nobin's maiden project. I loved his basic idea - to make a road movie. I too had this in my thoughts. In fact, just like him, I too have a collection of road movies for my reference. His sensibilities about the movies are in the right place. I'm sure its going to be a great movie. Good luck to you dude.

IPL Cinemas has from the very outset appointed a team of marketing guys to assist me in the promotions. This is the ultimate big thing for everyone involved. That includes me too.

God bless us all.

You.

I waited. Not because I wanted to. But because you are worth the wait.

A simple thing called life...

Let there be no big dreams. Instead get your priorities right, considering what gives you happiness the most. And do it. The ultimate and only philosophy of life. Simply put.

Looking forward...

Wedding: 9th November, 2011.
Muhurtham: between 9.30 a.m. and 11 a.m.
Venue: Marattil Kottaram Bhagavathy Kshethram, Maradu, Kochi, India.